melancholia

2003-08-29T23:20:00.000-07:00

Ficcing activity here.

2003-08-22T14:16:00.000-07:00

Just to see if I got this right.

[1] Kureno
[2] Shigure
[3] Hatori
[4] Ayame
[5] Ritsu
[6] Kagura
[7] Yuki
[8] Kyou
[9] Haru
[10] Momiji
[11] Rin
[12] Hiro
[13] Kisa

Question #1: [2], [3], and [4] are all of the same age; [5] and [6] are of the same age; [7] and [8] are of the same age; [9], [10], and [11] are of the same age; [12] and [13] are of the same age?

Question #2: How many years separate each age group?

2003-08-13T21:30:00.000-07:00

If Shigure could blame one thing, it would be the idea that came out of nowhere. It struck him just as he was shuffling to the kitchen for some tea (his editor would be so happy; he had been turning in blank sheets for weeks), and so preoccupied was he with it that he actually walked straight into Tohru, who was stumbling down the hallway with an armful of laundry at the time.

For (self-inflicted) penance, he had to sort the laundry into piles of three, while Tohru knelt by his worktable and eagerly stared at his laptop.

“Shigure-san, is this for your latest novel?”

Bark.

Tohru sparkled. “It looks wonderful.”

The dog proudly straightened up and wagged his tail. Then he ducked his head back into the pile, fishing out a gray shirt that smelled like it had come straight out of a shopping bag.

They probably change outfits five times a day, Shigure thought wryly, wrinkling his nose at the amount of clothing. This is probably why I have to shell out so much for detergent every month. Making a mental note to give a speech over dinner ('Narrowing Wardrobe Down To Essentials And Making Life Easier For Tohru-kun, Among Other Things'), he tossed the shirt into the Kyou pile with a growl.

Tohru leaned closer to the screen. “What does ‘capricious’ mean, Shigure-san?”

Bark bark bark.

“Hmmmmm,” went Tohru thoughtfully, as if in understanding.

2003-08-13T03:51:00.000-07:00

I plan to buy a complete set of Shaman King DVDs and devote n days to watching it.
Then write tons of horrible fic.
Good plan.

2003-08-05T23:49:00.000-07:00

I don't know about y'all, but the new ff.net policy on usernames is irritating. *burinku* Apparently I am the only one with this problem because I'm the only one who didn't have enough brains to think up a unique username. Because I didn't want the '2' after the pen name, I had to change names, which is annoying (but now at least my ff.net username is the same as my DA username, but I feel like whining about it anyway). Only one person beat me to 'Sakura', and even that got a '1' after the pen name... Blech. Maybe we Sakuras could all stage a rally to fight for our right to share the same name or something.

*Hiei voice* Che, kudaran.

2003-08-05T22:28:00.000-07:00

I think it's the rain. I feel stupid and useless and unable to string words together properly. I wrote something Yukiru last night and posted it at the ML, but it was more like me wanting to post something than me coming with something postworthy. And I really should cut this out, I'm vexing myself to death.

I want to write drabble.

2003-07-29T16:13:00.000-07:00

How Not to Write Series #1: Gimme an I for Idiotic Imagery

[snip]

The same skirt now flapped in the wind, dull white in the shadows of the awning where it hung from the rafters, dripping and dejected, like a bird trying to fold its wings with dignity about itself and failing miserably.

[/snip]

The hiatus sign is still shining very very very brightly, uhuum.

2003-07-17T09:05:00.000-07:00

I don't know if fic logs are [1] for griping about one's lack of talent and/or inspiration or [2] for showing the world that you DO have talent and have every right to be read or [3] just there to take up webspace.

At any rate I'd love to show the world that I have every right to be read but alas, the now me thinks I suck. Nothing is worse than wanting to write so badly and ending up hating every single word you come up with. I'm afraid I'll have to turn on the familiar On Hiatus sign again. It will keep flashing over my head until I learn to reconcile myself with my utter lack of *censored censored censored*. Thank you.

P.S. From now on, all snippets go directly to the ML files. We like to keep things organized around here.

2003-07-15T18:17:00.000-07:00

I lost my mind and made a mailing list.
=_____=;
Humor me if you must.

2003-07-14T00:41:00.000-07:00

All right. No more sunshine and gentleness and warm coffee and tentatively touching fingertips. Down with Mood. I think the key to having me write something that reads true is going out there and seeing how things really work. Living life, for once. This is probably way overdue, but at least I feel that I'm ready to go out there, which is a good thing.

The problem is, I don't know where to start.

P.S. Calendar, everybody gripes. Griping constitutes more than 80% of blogging activity, I think. X3 And I think there's something wrong with your comments box.

2003-07-09T22:35:00.000-07:00

~~To Miss Honda Tohru,~~
~~Dear Honda-san,~~
~~Dear Tohru-san,~~
~~Tohru-san,~~
~~Tohru~~
Honda-san,

~~How are you?~~
~~Lovely weather, isn't it?~~
~~This may seem too sudden, but I~~
~~Today's breakfast was delicious. I love your cooking.~~
~~Please don't get mad at me when I say~~
~~Please pardon my penmanship.~~
I have something very important to say to you, so if it's all right, can you meet me at the back of the school after chemistry class?
~~I'd love it if you come.~~
~~I'd be VERY happy if you come.~~
~~I'll die if you don't come.~~
~~Thank you very much.~~
Thanks.

~~Sincerely yours,~~
~~Yours,~~
~~Love,~~
Yuki

2003-06-24T03:49:00.000-07:00

I've always thought that Spitz' 'Nakayoshi' reeked of Hiro x Kisa (I mean, should they grow up and not end up together):

itsumo nakayoshi de ii yo ne tte iwarete
demo doko ga BLUE ni natteta
are wa koi datta

I'm in a mad mad mad Hiro x Kisa mood right now. I started on three different fics in one afternoon and ditched them all at the same time. I don't satisfy myself. I will have to point a gun at certain people and demand fic. Or maybe the dissatisfaction will drive me to draw those two again, who knows. I've never really gotten around to making that one good Hiro x Kisa pic, so this might be a good time to start.

But if you love the pair, please please please write. Or please recommend anything. I am desperate. Thank you.

2003-06-22T19:33:00.000-07:00

When they say 'fit of inspiration', it's not exactly a fit, is it? It's more like this burning sensation, this strong urge to take pen and paper out and write down certain lines before they escape you. There was one time I was walking in the mall when I suddenly had the queerest feeling --- something told me I had to stop walking and find a table, because I had Ayame in my head and he was telling Hatori and Shigure about Yuki and I had to write down what he was saying before it could all go away. I ended up at a sandwich shop, madly scribbling (it was about half an hour till closing time; waiters started piling up chairs around me). That's where the Ayame one shot came from. (Unfortunately, I haven't touched it since then, though I'm planning to finish it soon.)

Other times I wrote fic after reading something that made such a strong impression on me, like Howl's Moving Castle (how could anyone NOT sparkle after reading that book?) or maybe some wonderfully written fic (mostly by the people I link to *points at blog links above*). The one thing about these urges is that I have to act on them immediately or they fizzle out and die. I have the misfortune of not having them often, thus my tendency to come up with things that don't read like they should. Thus, things that read...um, forced. Strained. (I'm looking for the right term but it's eluding me...)

Anyway, the point to all this is that I've been dreaming about my n-chapter Furuba fic for n nights now, but every time I wake up and rush to the computer, the mood disappears. It's terribly annoying. Maybe if I get a machine that records my dreams so I can play them back in the morning and write down what I see? That'd be great. Anyway.

[edit] Let's get organized, organized...

E - must edit
F - finished
O - ongoing
T - trashed

Card Captor Sakura

[E] A Day in the Life of a Glucose Intolerant Plushie
[E] Akogare
[F] Dancing Alone
[F] And Then
[F] Kero-chan, Spinel, and the Pancake Caper
[F] Sincerely Yours, Clow Reed
[F] Eriol
[F] Hajimari
[F] Hashiru
[O] Kanaete
[F] How to Kiss a Guy
[E] Koi
[F] Sakura, Eriol, and the Cake Mania
[T] The Last Seventeen Years
[F] hohoemu koto
[F] In Remembrance Of
[F] The Ring
[E] Scenes From an Afternoon
[F] Untitled I
[E] Untitled II
[F] Waiting

Fruits Basket

[O] Closer
[F] Kagura
[E] Onigiri
[F] in a coffee shop, with tohru
[F] Waiting

Gatekeepers

[O] Pieces

Sakura Taisen

[E] Happiness
[F] Sun

Howl's Moving Castle

[F] Ever After

Up next, the To Write List.
Not including the pairing fic challenge, random gift fics, and things that will suddenly come to me out of nowhere. But oh, oh, oh! Look down there, my archives are back! *weeps for joy*

2003-06-22T08:12:00.000-07:00

HP Order of the Phoenix-inspired fic snippet here. It's actually supposed to be short but dark and rather depressing, but the way I cut it...it reads funny. I guess I should get the whole thing over with, but I'm waiting for the mood to come back. (It fizzled and died on me, the bastard.)

2003-06-20T04:39:00.000-07:00

*rolls eyes at template* It took me all day to work on you, and you aren't even amazing. And you're pink. You weren't supposed to be pink. But then you turned out pink so I hereby christen you 'strawberry'. Now get out of my way or I'll kick you.

I uploaded edited versions of 'Akogare', but other than that, I have no fic updates. I haven't been writing-- no, actually, I've been writing bits and pieces of fic, but I haven't come up with anything substantial enough to post. Yet. I get the feeling that if I don't keep myself in check I'll be posting every single goddamn snippet I come up with (like this one).

And the List to Fic grows longer and longer...

Fics I Will Concentrate On For the Time Being Are:
- Ayame oneshot
- multi-chaptered Furuba fic
- the stupid fic challenge I came up with

But for now I lie down with a pillow over my head. Owwwww.

2003-05-08T10:57:00.000-07:00

I'm a horrible selfish person. I wish the ff.net Bridget Jones' Diary fic section had more fics, and that if more fics were posted, they'd deviate somehow from the...um, usual Fielding-ish diary format. (I feel dumb saying that, but I've been hungry for a good long non-first person POV narrative. I don't even know if I got the terms right. Unschooled banana.)

P.S. Didn't...um, Bridget start a diary only when she was 32? The scores of Pre-teen Bridget Gobbling Sweets Then Angsting To Death About Calorie Content fic baffle me.

2003-05-04T21:44:00.000-07:00

K-K-K-Kawaiiiii.
This one too... >______<;

2003-05-02T14:46:00.000-07:00

After squirming and twisting and yelping helplessly for fifteen minutes, Hund finally resigned himself to the fact that the hand on his leash was never going to let go, and that the scene before him (birds, birds, thousands of them!) was something he could never take part in.

Iris was standing near the shore, her hair spun gold under the sun, laughing as the birds drifted about her, fought for the throne of her shoulder, pecked at the birdseed she cupped in her palm. Hund hungrily took in the sunshine and the fowl, mournfully raised his eyes to his owner, and whined.

His owner was not even looking at him. "Hund," Reni softly said, "look at Iris. She's shining."

With a scream of laughter Iris showered the seed in the air, letting the birds ruffle her skirt, her hair, as they swept up to take the treat. In that sudden rain of feathers, Iris turned to smile at them, and for once Hund understood.

She was the sun, and she was beautiful.

[ end ]

Hund: *chews on my leg*
Me: ACK!

A fifteen-minute fic exercise because I haven't written anything in weeks. This is half-based on a scene in the movie where Iris stands near the water and feeds the birds.

P.S. List to Fic + Genzo x Mayuko [NieA_7] = 71.

2003-04-22T03:00:00.000-07:00

I wonder why my archives aren't working properly. Must've screwed up the code somewhere (either that or Blogger is screwed, period). I owe so many people stuff, it's not funny anymore.

2003-04-20T23:42:00.000-07:00

To the one who very kindly left a note below (and who seemed quite irate about my not having certain facts straight): I know Kamui isn't in TB. I just wrote X/TB because I wasn't really giving it much thought (silly me, Subaru does appear in X doesn't he haux haux haux). I'd change it to just X, but I'm too lazy to push the edit button. So yes, X. Thank you and good night.

2003-04-19T09:30:00.000-07:00

The student council office was in dire need of cleaning.

Tohru blinked at the sight of papers strewn on the floor, shelves crammed full with books and trophies, and school fair banner rejects hanging carelessly by the windows. She poked her head through the open door and cleared her throat. "Excuse me..."

No response came. She tried again. "Excuse me?"

There came a sudden thud and crackling of paper; at a corner table, somebody’s head shot up in surprise.

Tohru’s face brightened. "Ah, Yuki-kun, there you are!"

"Honda-san?!" Yuki had straightened up in his seat, and was now embarrassedly running a hand through his hair. There was a faint pink mark on his right cheek. He had probably been sleeping. "Why are you here? Is the fair over?"

"Oh yes, about two hours ago." She hesitated. "Is it all right if I---"

"Oh, come in, come in." Still embarrassed, he began sorting through the tall pile of papers on his desk, perhaps in a vain attempt at order. "I was just trying to finish some last minute paperwork..."

Tohru gingerly stepped around the mess on the floor, making her way to his desk. She had never been in the student council office before, and had yet to get used to the sight of Yuki sitting at the president’s desk. Now that she looked at it, it seemed too big for him, and the tall pile of papers made it even worse. As he hastily dumped stacks of paper onto a tray labeled ‘In’ and mumbled apologies for the mess, Tohru noted the way his shoulders drooped with weariness, the slight crease in his forehead.

/Poor Yuki-kun./

"I saved you some onigiri from our stand," she cheerfully said, when his desk had been cleared enough for them to talk properly. "They were selling out so fast, I was afraid you wouldn’t get to taste any, so I saved you three. Will that be enough?"

"It’s more than enough." He smiled. "Thank you, Honda-san." He still looked tired, but the smile was familiarly his, and it comforted her somewhat. Smiling back, she began depositing her load on the desk --- a plastic bag of onigiri, a can of lemon tea, a disposable camera, and several pamphlets from various booths.

His gaze lingered on the camera. "You were taking pictures, Honda-san?"

Tohru paused in the middle of onigiri unwrapping. "Oh, it’s Uo-chan’s, but she decided to give it to me. Uo-chan and Hana-chan and I had our pictures taken when we went around visiting the booths. Oh, and I took pictures of the drama club presentation too! Their costumes were very lovely, I wasn’t able to resist..."

"Was the play nice?" He was still smiling.

"Very very nice." She nodded enthusiastically. "And then, near the wrestling club area we ran into Momiji-kun and Hatsuharu-san and Kyou-kun, so we had our pictures taken with them as well---"

At the sound of his cousins’ names, Yuki’s smile began to dim.

"---And then we all ate onigiri for lunch. Kyou-kun and Hatsuharu-san had an onigiri eating contest! In the end it was Momiji-kun who won, although he wasn’t really in the contest... It was really such a wonderful fair; I only wish it could’ve lasted all day... I got you several souvinirs." She began spreading out the pamphlets on his desk. "They may not be much, but I thought you’d like to read about the booths you weren’t able to visit."

[ snip ]

Tohru: Or, please clear the table a bit more so we can have mad sex on it. That'll make you feel better, right, Yuki-kun?
Yuki: *nosebleeds, faints*

...Er, sorry 'bout that. I was trying to channel a Twisted!Tomo back there (I want to write Suki Dakara Suki fic that's anything but fluffy. Nasty, twisted Suki Dakara Suki fic that'll hopefully make me feel better about things.)

2003-04-16T16:48:00.000-07:00

Re: fic. I've been wanting to write a lot, but I've been keeping myself from touching the computer because even though the enthusiasm's there, all I come up with is absolutely awful (bleeeeeech with a 60 font sized b). Since it's Holy Week and all, maybe I should go out there and nail myself to a cross for punishment? Or maybe I should just face the fact that I have very very rare good ficcing moments?

*swims in self-hate*

Re: pic. I know what's wrong with my work, but I'm just too lazy to keep trying to get better. If I get paid every time I complain about myself, I'd be very rich right now. I think I ought to turn in; the lack of sleep is making me crabbier than usual.

2003-04-12T07:46:00.000-07:00

Tall, she decides. The one she is destined to meet must be taller than she is. After all, her best friend (whom she secretly considered her sage on life) did say something about tallness being the default for proper kissing (which sounded ridiculous but could be the gospel truth, who knows? She had never been kissed). So she writes tall down on a sheet of paper, stares at it, then glances out the window.

A couple holding hands walks by, books tucked under their arms. The boy murmurs something in the girl’s ear, letting his words tickle her. Her sudden peal of laughter is a foreign, rich sound --- it rings throughout the dusky reading room, making people look up from their books, rousing sleepy heads from their dreams.

She lets her gaze linger on the couple, long and hard, until they finally disappear from view. The breeze gently carries the laughter away, ruffles the note tucked under her elbow.

Tall, the note reads.

She stares at it for a while. Then, with determination, she draws a line through tall and writes beside it, in careful strokes: real.

2003-04-10T10:37:00.000-07:00

P.S. Kai-chan, because your comments box isn't working...

[1] New layout~! XD
[2] Yayy, Hiro/Kisa~! XD
[3] Unfortunately, I haven't found any good Hiro/Kisa fic yet. Not even good fan art, even though that is (supposedly) easier to find. But when I do find something I'll let you know. *sparkles* (I've come across very few Hiro/Kisa stuff, especially on Japanese sites. The Haru/Kisa pairing is much more popular for some reason. I love Haru too, but I love Hiro-kun more.)

2003-04-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

I don't think I'm really on a fic hiatus, because today I managed to draft a plot *watches universe roll eyes in disbelief* for a multi-chapter Furuba fic that has everybody in it. And when I say everybody, I mean everybody --- except maybe Okami and the Prince Yuki Fanclub and the wacky Student Council members. Maybe I can fit Okami in somehow. She's a scream. XD

Okami: I'M SORRY FOR BEING A SCREAM!! FORGIVE ME FOR BEING A SCREAM!! I'LL GO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE---
Me: ....

I think I'll write it just for kicks, even though it wouldn't go with the current manga plot. I'll need to check with certain people for canon. But before that, there are pic projects/n more pages of Tsubasa omake to finish. Ta-taaa.

[ After N Minutes ]

List to Fic + Yahiko/Tsubame = 70 Pairs.

: anime :

( Akazukin Chacha ) Seravi & Dorothy
( Akazukin Chacha ) Shiine & Chacha
( Akihabara Dennoh Gumi ) Krane & Hibari
( Angelic Layer ) Koutarou & Misaki
( Angelic Layer ) Oujirou & Tamayo
( CCS ) Syaoran & Sakura
( CCS ) Eriol & Tomoyo
( CCS ) Fujitaka & Nadeshiko
( CCS ) Yamazaki & Chiharu
( CCS ) Touya & Yukito
( Conan ) Shinichi & Ran
( Digimon ) Ken & Miyako
( Dual! ) Kazuki & D
( El Hazard ) Makoto & Ifuriita
( Escaflowne ) Van & Hitomi
( Evangelion ) Shinji & Rei
( FLCL ) Naota & Haruko
( Fruits Basket ) Yuki & Tohru
( Fruits Basket ) Hiro & Kisa
( Fruits Basket ) Kureno & Arisa
( Fruits Basket ) Ayame & Mine
( Fruits Basket ) Haru & Rin
( Fushigi Yuugi ) Nuriko & Miaka
( Gatekeepers ) Shun & Ruriko
( Gatekeepers ) Reiji & Megumi
( G Gundam ) Domon & Rain
( Gundam X ) Garrod & Tifa
( Gundam Wing ) Heero & Relena
( Ienakiko Remi ) Mathias & Remi
( Inuyasha ) Inuyasha & Kagome
( Inuyasha ) Miroku & Sango
( Karekano ) Souichirou & Yukino
( Karekano ) [er... the one who transferred from Okinawa... Tonami?] & Sakura
( Laputa ) Pazu & Sheeta
( Mimi o Sumaseba ) Seiji & Shizuku
( Ranma 1/2 ) Ranma & Akane
( Rayearth ) Clef & Umi
( Recca ) Mikagami & Fuuko
( Romeo no Aoi Sora ) Alfredo & Nikita
( Rurouni Kenshin ) Kenshin & Kaoru
( Rurouni Kenshin ) Yahiko & Tsubame
( Saber Marionette ) Otaru & Lime
( Sailormoon ) Haruka & Usagi
( Sakura Taisen ) Reni & Iris
( Sakura Taisen ) Maria & Sakura
( Sen to... ) Haku & Chihiro
( Shoujo Kakumei Utena ) Touga & Utena
( Shoujo Kakumei Utena ) Miki & Anthy
( Slam Dunk ) Ryota & Ayako
( Slayers ) Zelgadis & Amelia
( Slayers ) Xelloss & Filia
( Steam Detectives ) Narutaki & Ling-ling
( Taiho Shichau Zo ) Shouji & Natsumi
( Taiho Shichau Zo ) Aoi & Yoriko
( Tenchi Muyo ) Tenchi & Ryoko
( Trigun ) Vash & Merle
( Turn A Gundam ) Loran & Dianna
( X/TB ) Subaru & Kamui
( X ) Seiichirou & Karen

: manga :

( Ghost Hunt ) Naru & Hina
( Hanakimi ) Sano & Mizuki
( Ishindenshin no Otsukisan ) Haru & Momoko
( One Pound Gospel ) Hatanaka & [er...that nun, forgot her name again]
( Q.E.D. ) Sou & Kana
( Suki Dakara Suki ) Tomo & Touko
( Suki Dakara Suki ) Asou & Hina
( Wish ) Shuuichirou & Kohaku
( Working Musume ) Takumi & Saki

: et cetera :

( Harry Potter ) Harry & Ginny
(Howl's Moving Castle ) Howl & Sophie

2003-03-31T15:03:00.000-08:00

The final list is 68.
However, I won't be doing any writing for a while.
*packs bags and goes on a fic hiatus*

2003-03-27T17:19:00.000-08:00

I am a forgetful old biddy.
If Xelloss x Filia makes 63, Vash x Merle makes 64, what's the 65th pair? I could've sworn I came up with 65 when I was counting them last night.

And, random amusing (?) fact: there are 22 Sakuras (just plain Sakura, no variation) on ff.net. Two people registered as Sakura before I did. lol iznt dat cool?! (Hah, sorry. XD)

2003-03-25T00:07:00.000-08:00

Slayers suddenly popped out of the Forget-Me-Ohohoho bin and smacked me upside the head. Some fics I found:

Sin From My Lips by Kamui
Zelgadis + Amelia + deserted garden + Shakespeare. Has (and is entirely about) sex, but without the cliches. Some of it is phrased awkwardly, I think, but it's infinitely better than the drivel I've been subsisting on these past two days.

Akuma to Ocha by Irk
Xelloss + Filia + soft bed + cuffs. 'Nuff said. XD

2003-03-22T19:05:00.000-08:00

First off, a fic-related post at the lj.

Rael-san, I think we have the same dilemma. I have 62 pairs to fic myself, but not all of them come from series I'd like to fic. For example --- Domon and Rain from G Gundam. Does anybody even write G Gundam fic? (Though yeah, that'd be fun. Maybe I can invent Gundams for the rest of the countries that didn't get to join the tournament? Uzbekistan, for example? XD) That and Garrod and Tifa from Gundam X. Loran and Dianna from Turn A Gundam. The most I can do with those is write what-happens-after-the-end fic, which would probably be variations on happy married life. (Though yeah, technically speaking, Garrod and Tifa are too young to get married, and Loran and Dianna... Unless I read that spoiler in Animage wrong, they're living together for some reason. Did Dianna and Khiel switch places for eternity? Did Loran-kun decide to be Dianna's houseboy for life? Am I even remembering the names right? I need Turn A on DVD asap.)

But since the dare goes: write a fic for every single pairing you support, I'll have to force myself to write. It doesn't have to be good (or long) fic, after all. 62 pairs! Ah, the stuff I get myself into.

Mee-chan, that's going to be a lot of Digimon fic. XD

Kai-chan, Seiya x Usagi? XD I'm more of a *cough* Haruka x Usagi fan, though. I think it's easier for me to like shoujo ai than shounen ai, but it depends on the series. And Haruka! Gah. She's just too goddamn cool. XD

2003-03-21T08:25:00.000-08:00

This got me thinking about my writing again, and whenever I do that, I end up writing a long winding me me me post. So yes, this is a long winding me me me post. Please feel free to skip it, or if you do read it, please don't feel that you have to reassure me or anything. I think aloud all the time; don't mind me.

I guess it's true when they say you're never the best judge of your own work. It's even worse when you've got too many hang ups like I do. There was one time I went through all the fics I wrote so far --- some (especially the really old ones) made me cringe, the others were blah, and a select few were pretty okay but in dire need of editing. Well, actually, all of them need editing. The ones that went through a beta reader (like Kanaete, which was edited by Jae-san, and the first few chapters of Akogare, which were edited by Belle-nee) were more decent than the others in terms of structure and flow (because they've been cleaned up and trimmed by incredibly good grammar dictators), but they still lack something. I was hoping to change, but apparently I still have the same problem: I linger too much on unnecessary things and have this tendency to dash madly towards the ending. I rarely have plot, too. When I do have a plot, it tends to be screwy in places (that and I rarely adhere to it).

Sometimes I wish I were more original. I get the feeling that something I write is more or less a rehash of something I wrote before. I wish I were less obsessed with certain things like waff and fluff. I want to be more flexible when it comes to genre. And I think my work needs a lot more poetry. Some writers are flexible and eloquent at the same time, and I really don't know how they do it. It must be talent. Bloody talented people.

But yes, Belle-nee was talking about writing that alienates the reader instead of having the reader lose him/herself in it. I agree; a good story makes the reader forget that s/he's reading in the first place. I think this can also apply to the writer him/herself --- if her/his concentration isn't on what s/he's writing, chances are it (the fic)'ll come out detached and lacking. Er...example. *points down at Drunk!Yuki draft* I didn't like that draft. For one thing, my mind really wasn't on it when I was writing it (I was thinking about ten things at once), so it reads like a halfhearted attempt at comedy/waff/something. Another thing is, it's not exactly a fresh take on a cliched idea, so boooo. Here's hoping the overhaul fares better.

Maybe I ought to come up with a conclusion of some sort, but as this is something completely random and mindlessly written, I say screw conclusions.

Eriol: How about 'I suck but I'm too proud to admit it'?
Me: *pushes Eriol off a cliff into a seaful of person-eating ugly fish*

* * *

Luck was definitely not on his side that night. Hiro frowned and hefted the fake gun onto his shoulder, trying to figure out what to do next. It was a child's game, simple enough: there were five shelves full of sitting ducks, and all he had to do was knock three of them over so he could win the prize --- a big pale yellow tiger stuffed toy, the kind Kisa loved.

But twenty minutes and two thousand yen later, he still hadn't managed to knock anything over. It was incredibly frustrating. Hiro thought he had pretty good aim, and he always won something at fairs, so he couldn't understand why it was now taking him so long to win. The booth owner had lost interest in him a long time ago; he was now busy setting up toys on new shelves, tunelessly humming along to the strains of a pop song wafting in the busy air.

"Ojisan," Hiro called out, "let me try again."

The booth owner turned around and gave him a look. "Again?"

"Again," Hiro firmly repeated, fishing out two hundred yen coins from his pocket and setting them on the wooden ledge.

The booth owner shrugged as if to say, it's all up to you really, took the money, and handed him new bullets.

[ snip ]

They do use bullets, don't they? o_O;

Eriol: *swim swim* La la la.
Ugly fish: . . .
Me: I take it he's not edible.

2003-03-20T20:33:00.000-08:00

Rael-san, does ten years sound good to you? XD I'm no fast worker myself. But yeah, I'd really like the company.
Mood has soured; not good for ficcing.
Well, not exactly. I'm trying a Kyoru for Belle-nee/Wen-sama.
I hope it comes out well.
I must be sick if I'm actually serious about this.

2003-03-19T13:46:00.000-08:00

At last, somebody crazy enough to join me! XD Har har. It's a really crazy idea, but yeah, it's a good way to pass the time. How many pairs have you come up with?

*blinks* It's a really odd pairing, but I want to read. XD

[ Draft of a completely random (and not very original) idea. ]

"I am not drunk," Yuki flatly said, frowning as everyone leaned closer to catch a better glimpse of his face. "Really. And somebody keeps passing me these stupid glasses."

"Yuki had eight!" Momiji proudly announced.

"Feh," Kyou scoffed, "that's nothing."

"But Kyou only had four," Momiji observed, peering over his cousin's shoulder and making the latter turn scarlet.

Boing!

"Waaaa~ Kyou hit me~~"

"Eight glasses in one sitting! That's my brother!" crowed Ayame, whose voice was ten times louder than usual. He and Shigure were still huddled near the karaoke machine, holding microphones. On the screen behind them, the video played on. (They missed their cue and forgot to press the pause button.) "Aa, Ha-san, I told you he'd be a man about it, nothing to fear--"

"Shut up." Yuki had slumped forward on the table, clamping hands over his ears. "You're talking too loud, you bastard---"

"Yuki is cute when he curses," Haru commented.

"You shut up too."

"Drunk or not," Hatori calmly continued as if no one had spoken, "I'm afraid you'll have to go up to your room and lie down."

Yuki sighed. "Fine."

Then he got up from his seat and walked into a wall.

"Waa, Yuki!"

"Yuki, are you all right?"

"Can somebody take him?"

"I'll do it!" Tohru exclaimed from the other end of the table. Everybody looked at her, surprised at her outburst. She began to retreat, gesticulating wildly as she spoke. "Ah, what I mean is...um, that is, if you all wouldn't mind if I assisted him to his room--"

"It's all right, Tohru-kun," sang Shigure into his microphone. "Help Yuki-kun get into bed and tuck him in reeaaal tight for us, okay?"

As Shigure waggled his eyebrows suggestively, Hatori rolled his eyes and Kyou's scowl deepened. Tohru, however, didn't seem to notice this. She jumped up from her seat, brushing crumbs off her skirt, and smiling brightly. "Yes, Shigure-san!"

"I'll help you, Honda-san," Haru offered.

"Thank you very much, Hatsuharu-san!"

"Now everyone say good night to Yuki!" Ayame beamed. "One, two! Good night, Yukiiii."

"Shut up, all of you," Yuki muttered, knocking his head against the lamp hanging near the doorway.

[ Skip Yuki-tachi Going Up The Stairs sequence, which is relatively uneventful, and has a lot of people crashing against things. ]

"And this is where I leave you," Haru said, getting up from his perch on the bed. "Honda-san, make sure Yuki goes to sleep, all right?"

"I will, Hatsuharu-san. Thank you so much for helping me."

"Don't mention it. I did it out of love for---"

"Haru." Yuki's tone was lethal.

"Ah." Haru turned to his cousin, who had collapsed against the pillows. "I'd love to stay by your side, but it's not me you really want, right? Yuki."

"Just get out."

Haru's dark eyes regarded him thoughtfully for a moment. "It'll be good if you don't screw this up."

All of a sudden, Yuki flushed.

Without another word, Haru nodded at Tohru and made his exit, closing the door softly behind him.

[ Skip skip skip. ]

"Do you..." Yuki hesitated, letting a few strands of her hair fall away from his grasp. "Do you like us?"

Tohru smiled. "I like everyone very much."

"Oh." His heart started pounding. "Then...you...like me?"

"Yes, I do."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Really really?"

"Yes." She started to laugh. "Yuki-kun, what is this about?"

"Nothing." He smiled back, reluctantly letting go of her hair and letting his hand fall to his side. "Maybe Hatori was right; maybe I am drunk."

"It'll be all right in the morning." Still smiling, she got up and started drawing the covers over him. She smelled like jasmine and detergent and summer rain all at the same time. Unable to help himself, he reached out to grip her hand as it drew near him. Her skin was soft.

Her eyes widened. "Yuki-ku---"

"I like everyone too, I think," he softly said. "And I like you the most."

[ Ewwww. But something like that. Yeah. ]

2003-03-19T13:39:00.000-08:00

I edited yesterday's post, only to have it cut in half everytime I upload it.
I'll try again later. (Oneesama, thanks for the comment!)
AND BLOGGER, GO TO HELL.

2003-03-18T02:12:00.000-08:00

*blinks*
Something seems to be wrong with Blogger; my template has gone haywire.
And littlewingedwark.com seems to be down, so Sunshine, I'm afraid you can't access Absinthe.
And the next chapter to Kanaete is still not up.
Something is wrong with everything.
*blinks again*

2003-03-16T17:34:00.000-08:00

Took down Kanaete from my ff.net account, which means chapter five to ten (if they ever get written) will be found here. I still love ExT, but writing them has become more of a chore than a game, and like I said before, if it's not fun, it's not worth the time. But there are updates (just updates; snippets are not fit for human consumption):

Kanaete chapter 5 - 10%
Current: Eriol with pastel all over his face. Kero-chan and purin. Syaoran throttling Yamazaki.
Deleted: Lots of Anxious!Tomoyo

MiroSan for Eva dahling - 20%
Current: Lots and lots and lots of Sango
Deleted: Lots and lots and lots of Miroku (Die, houshi-sama.)

Ayame - 80%
Current: Same as before (I'm stuck)

Closer act 3 - 95%
Current: Student council office, camera, Stressed Out!Yuki. Finished, but heavily needs revision.

And there's the RenAi I can't seem to write properly (my Reni is too OOC, I think), and the Ishindenshin no Otsukisan fic, and basically everything on the To Write list.

As if that weren't enough, I'm starting this silly fic challenge --- write a fic (a one shot will do) for every single pairing you support. Never mind that it was n years ago and you were terribly insane back then; just as long as you liked that pairing, use them in a fic. I drafted my own list and came up with 60 pairs... Maybe it'll be easy because it doesn't have to be good fic, and all you need is a generic plot and change the names per series. Is anyone crazy enough to join me in this? So far I'm still stuck at the A series (specifically, Akihabara Dennoh Gumi).

. . . . .

And the air hung thick with stupidity.

2003-03-06T23:18:00.000-08:00

I'll be saying goodbye to this layout when the Furuba layout marathon begins. But wait a second. This fic log already had a Yuki-kun layout. Twice, even. Ah, well, a third time wouldn't hurt. *happy happy happy* Yuki-kuuuun!

Yuki: Shut up.
Shigure: Yuki-sama is so cold... XD
Me: XD

Tin, Koucha Ouji fic! XD I only have the first volume, though. It'll take me some time to catch up with you. ;_; I'm curious, and do spoil me: is Earl Grey paired with anybody? I know it's Assam x Taiko and I don't know about the other princes, but for some reason I see...Earl Grey x Someko? XD Or maybe I'm just too hung up on Earl Grey. Gah, bloody cute.

* * *

Closer - Act 13
(Or, La La La La La, Take One)

For Belle-nee. This is all her fault.

Yuki kept his eyes closed even as he felt the sheets slowly shift underneath him, smoothly sliding against his skin like water. At first he wondered if he was having another one of his crazy dreams, but eventually realized it was just Tohru, who had gotten up and was now trying to get the bed into some semblance of order without rousing him from his nap. Through the haze in his mind, he heard her mumble as she worked: oh no it's two in the afternoon maybe I ought to call the nearby soba-ya for lunch I wonder what Yuki-kun would like...

There came the soft patter of feet, the rustle of fabric, then the creaking of windows being opened. The afternoon breeze stole into the room, past the drawn back curtains. It felt cool on his flushed skin. Yuki shifted to lie on his side, burying his face in the pillow.

It smelled like her.

There came the footsteps again, pausing every now and then as Tohru tsked and sighed. She was probably picking up the articles of clothing they had so impatiently struggled out of, carelessly tossed onto the floor --- trousers, socks, underwear, polo shirt, cotton dress... That pretty yellow cotton dress that made her skin glow. To him it seemed like it had a thousand buttons and it frustrated him every time he had to take it off her, but then she would take his hand and guide his fingers in unfastening each button, all the while watching him with darkened eyes.

It was enough to undo him.

The pillow shifted gently underneath his head. "Yuki-kun? Yuki-kun, wake up."

"Mmmmm."

"We have to eat lunch."

"Mmmmm."

The cushion squeaked and shifted as she got back into bed with him. "Yuki-kun."

"Five minutes," came his muffled reply.

"One minute."

"Three."

"One." Her tone was stern.

He turned around to lie on his back and found her leaning over him, brown hair drifting past her bare shoulders like a waterfall. "One minute," she said again, firmly.

Gazing up at her, he smiled.

And it worked. Dropping the angry act and letting her expression soften, she bent down to brush lips against his forehead, and she looked so lovely, so charming, that he just had to draw her to him and kiss her properly. Her mouth was warm and sweet, and her hair felt like silk against his skin.

He will never get enough of her.

Never.

"Lunch?" She half-whispered, half-moaned as he lingered on the sensitive spot on her throat. "Lunch, Yuki-kun?"

"Lunch," he murmured against her skin, "and dinner, and breakfast the day after."

She flushed deeply at his words, but when he pulled her down with him, she let herself be led, and very willingly so.

. Fin .

* * *

Eh? *scratch scratch* I have a foot in a fic rut and the other just...barely...out of it.

I think it's very handy to have lots of "guttural sounds mingling in the rose-scented air while manly man and womanly woman (or manly man and womanly man, it depends) go at it like rabbits" books at hand for certain token phrases, yes. The problem is, I don't have them, so...

Me: Happy?
Yuki: *is flaming red*
Shigure: *sings* Yuki-kun no sukeeebeeee~!
Eriol: It's my turn now.
Miroku: The hell it is.

2003-03-04T22:13:00.000-08:00

I think I got it: if it's not pic, it's fic; if it's not fic, it's pic.

Or, I can never feel good about both at the same time. Now I'm in a non-fic mood because I've been drawing, but last week I was in a fic mood and I couldn't come up with a pic that satisfied me. Really strange. Sometimes I wonder if I'm better at drawing than I am at writing, or if it's the other way around, or if comparing the two even makes sense. I'm lots more confident about drawing though, because I have background and whatnot, but we all know that going to an art school doesn't necessarily make one a good artist.

The one thing I have to say about all this is SHUUUT UUUUUP.

. . . . .

Progress Report:

MiroSan for Eva dahling - 10%
RenAi fic tidbit - 0%
Ishindenshin no Otsukisan fic - 0%
Kanaete chapter 5 - 5% <-- you're not seeing things
Closer act 3 - 90%
Ayame - 80%

I've started typing the manuscript for the (long overdue) Hiro/Kisa webcomic. With any luck I'll be able to post the whole thing (layouted and with colored covers and all) before Christmas. -_-; I adore Hiro/Kisa a lot; it's my second favorite Furuba pairing, though Kureno/Uotani is also making its fast, merry way up the charts. (It's all Kureno's fault, that bloody cute bastard. O_O) But it's easier to think up a Hiro/Kisa story, and to draw them too (read: I can't draw fully grown men ;_;). It's also fun to think up outfits for kiddies. If I eventually get frustrated with this I'll probably ditch the comic idea and turn the story into a fic instead.

BTW, I need a colorist for this project, so if you're willing to help me out (Support the Insane Cuteness that is Hiro x Kisa!), please leave a note in the comments box. Lots of hugsmashglompmashsquashes in advance.

2003-02-27T19:02:00.000-08:00

*kicks Miroku into space*

2003-02-24T20:57:00.000-08:00

Bad day for writing, drawing, sleeping, anything.
Oh my god. O___O; Er...
*stuffs Yukiru and RenAi in box, brings out MiroSan*
All right then! Cooperate, Miroku-sama!

2003-02-20T02:05:00.000-08:00

YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU YUKIRU

*pant pant pant* I know I missed lots more, but these were all I could find at the moment. I'm sorry, Eva dahling: MiroSan, however lovely it is, will have to wait.

2003-02-17T20:38:00.000-08:00

My English is slowly going down the drain. Am half-seriously considering writing fic in Filipino, though I suck at writing in Filipino. *will not say something remotely like I suck at writing in general, nope* If some people write fic in Italian or Spanish or German or Chinese, why not Filipino, right? Hmmm.

Sa ilalim ng mesa, hinawakan ni Yuki ang kamay ni Tohru at pinisil ito. Lumingon si Tohru sa kanya, at--

...Ngark. XD

2003-02-17T04:06:00.000-08:00

The middle finger of my right hand has a very deep cut so I'm wearing a band aid, which makes typing and drawing terribly difficult. Curse cuts that come from nowhere! I'm still trying to figure out where I got it. -_-*

Bought volume one of Ishindenshin no Otsukisan by Ikuemi Ryo. It cost only 50 pesos (and is a shoujo manga) so what the hey... It's basically about this odd boy named Yajima Yoshiharu, who comes to live with his parents' friend, who has a daughter named Momoko. Momoko is in love with a rock band vocalist named Touma Hiroshi (who happens to be incredibly stuck up). Basically Yoshiharu --- or Haru for short --- is spotted by a director and is made to star in a movie that is topbilled by Touma Hiroshi. Momoko tries to get close to her idol through Haru, and in the process discovers her real feelings for both men. (I suck at summaries, but basically that's it.)

The one odd thing about Haru is that he always looks spaced out, and he is very formal and quiet with Momoko but can be friendly with strangers, when it's obvious it's Momoko he really cares about. (Proof #1: he doesn't bother to ask other people's names. Proof #2: when Momoko remarks that they probably won't ever get along, he practically dies. Proof #3: he has that cute sad puppy dog look on his face whenever he sees her with Hiroshi. Aww, Haru. *huggles*) They look extremely cute together. There's this one scene where Hiroshi insists on Haru bringing Momoko along with him to a cast nomikai (drinking session), and Momoko feels very nervous and thinks she doesn't belong, when Haru suddenly puts a hand on the back of her head and that finally her calms down. O_O; So cute. It strongly reminds me of that scene in the Escaflowne novel where Dryden keeps taking shots at the Ryuu no Miko (i.e. Hitomi) in front of the Ryuu no Miko herself, and Hitomi feels angry and tense and confused all at the same time, then suddenly calms down when Van holds her hand under the table. (As for retribution, Dryden's glass suddenly spills drink all over him and the table. Go Hitomi.)

Back to Haru. I have this feeling he doesn't know where he's from and where he's going, because the next act has him in a different town and situation, but basically acting the same. (?) There's this connection between him and rock bands and maybe drugs? though I wouldn't really know what really happened to him in the past because I didn't buy the SECOND VOLUME, konchikushou. Here's hoping Feata customers don't paw through the fifty peso manga shelf.

Oh. There is a point to this: I want to write Haru/Momoko. O_O; Either that or send copies of the manga to everyone and force people to fic. (Just in case you're interested, it's ISBN4-08-849071-1, Margaret Comics, released in 1985. Art not very pretty, character design and outfits are very eighties, but it kind of grows on you.)

I also want to try Oujirou/Tamayo. Is anyone ficcing Oujirou/Tamayo? Any reads to recommend?

P.S. Serena, haloscan wouldn't let me comment: SNOW!!! XD XD XD
P.P.S. Chelle-san, get Hiiragizawa away from me.

2003-02-15T07:01:00.000-08:00

Eriol: *preens*
Me: .....

Chelle-san, it's not working.

2003-02-11T09:32:00.000-08:00

Stole quiz from Serena:

YUKIRU

What fruity mix fanfiction pairing are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Oh come ooooon, who thought I wouldn't get this? ^______________^v
*crickets chirp*
Work on 'Ayame' and the MiroSan has come to a virtual standstill.
Work must give way to more ugly work.
I am so sleepy, I'm not making sense anymore...

P.S. Mona-san, you made this quiz, didn't you? Just a hunch...

2003-02-07T22:51:00.000-08:00

Progress Report:
'A Special Girl' (Miroku/Sango) - 20%
'Ayame' - 40%

* * *

When the bowls of gyuudon are emptied and stacked on the floor, the beer cans are brought out from the cooler, and curlicues of cigarette smoke lazily waft toward the ceiling, the inevitable happens.

“I have good news!” Ayame crows, rapping knuckles on the tabletop for attention. “Listen up! This afternoon, Yuki --- you heard that right, YUKI --- paid me a compliment!”

He does not get the response he wants. A sleepy half-smile tugs at his cousin Shigure’s lips, and his other cousin, Hatori, only leans against the wall and closes his eyes. They both had a long day --- too many patients, or too many pages to write, and are not in the mood to listen to anything that entails thought, such as Ayame’s never-ending quest for brotherly love. But their lack of interest only fuels his enthusiasm; he leans forward, eyes sparkling, tightening his grip on his beer can. “I made Tohru-kun a new dress, you see, used up all my lace and ribbons on it, and made her model it for him. You should’ve seen the look on his face! Ah! He loved it, every single inch of it.”

He pauses to take a swig of beer, already drunk with triumph.

“I thought he paid you a compliment.” Hatori finally speaks up, eyes still closed.

“He did.”

“What did he say?”

“You mean what he really said, or what he was telling me, subliminally?”

Shigure chuckles.

“What came out of the boy’s mouth, I mean.” Hatori idly opens an eye and fumbles in his pocket for a lighter.

Ayame shrugs. “He told me to get myself and the dress out of the house.”

Shigure chokes on a mouthful of beer, and Hatori pauses in mid-puff.

“BUT!” Ayame holds up a finger. “His eyes were telling me he loved my design, and I just knew he wanted to see more. He was just too shy to tell me that outright, that’s all.”

“Yuki always speaks his mind,” Hatori comments, while Shigure coughs and gasps for air. “If he told you to get out, chances are that was really what he wanted to tell you.”

“You don’t get it, Ha-san.” Ayame shakes his head. “His eyes, I tell you, his eyes were sparkling, drinking in every detail! He loved it, I’m sure of it!”

“That’s because Tohru-kun was in it.” Shigure finally calms down enough to speak. “If another girl was wearing it, he wouldn’t even give it a second glance.”

Ayame’s spirits dampen as his cousins exchange knowing nods. They are right; they know Yuki better than he does. His fingers tighten on his beer, unobtrusively. Shigure steers the conversation toward other things, and Hatori pulls the blinds down, shutting out the moonlight. Ayame lets the dull chatter drift by, does not curse the lack of light, only empties his can in one gulp.

The beer leaves a sour taste in his mouth.

* * *

The sky is dark and the waves roll menacingly toward the shore, but Yuki is laughing. He is standing near the edge of the water, small hands full with shells, letting the surf tickle his toes. His giggles lapse into coughs every so often, and Ayame winces at the harsh sound.

He hates the beach.

/ Uwaaa! / Yuki lets out a scream of wonder. / ’Niisan! /

/ What? / Ayame grumbles.

/ Bird! / Yuki tries to point at something in the distance, and drops a shell in the process.

Ayame glances at the white bird perched on a rock not far off.

/ Bird! / More shells are dropped. / Bird! /

/ It’s a seagull. Kamome. /

/ Ka…mo…me. / The unfamiliar word rolls off Yuki’s tongue.

/ Yes, a kamo--- oh, there it goes. /

The seagull, stark white against the sky, soars into the air, spreading its huge wings. Yuki’s eyes widen with wonder --- his fingers loosen their grip on the shells, and they all come tumbling down---

“Tenchou?”

Ayame jumps. He is seated at his worktable, a pen in one hand and a pad of paper in the other. Mine, his shop assistant, is standing beside him, holding a cup of coffee. She sets it at his elbow before gazing down at him curiously. “Is anything the matter, Tenchou?”

“Ah, no, it’s nothing.” He shakes his head and smiles at her.

“I see.” Mine’s eyes twinkle behind her glasses. “You’ve been staring at the wall for half an hour now.”

“Sorry.” He laughs and picks up his cup. The rush of coffee down his throat is warm and pleasantly sweet. “I’ve been strange all week, haven’t I?”

“Oh yes, definitely.” Mine has moved to her own worktable, holding up various pieces of fabric to the light, but he knows she is still smiling. “You’ve been quite out of it ever since you made that dress for Otouto-kun’s girlfriend.”

“Soon-to-be girlfriend.”

“Hmmm.” He knows her smile has widened. “But Otouto-kun is very shy.”

“Yes, ridiculously so.”

There is a comfortable pause as Mine puts all the fabric away, tucking everything inside a box, carefully shutting the lid. When the question finally comes, it does not surprise him. “Would you like to talk about it?”

[snip]

With any luck, I'll be able to finish this today.
BTW, Sunshine? Thanks for the compliment. XD

And let me just say that I am currently in love with Tin's Miroku (read this), Chelle-san's Eriol (read this), and Belle-nee's Touya (read this). Some people really make me feel like I can't write worth beans. (I don't even know if I got the expression right. Uncertainty kills.)

2003-02-03T01:47:00.000-08:00

i am sitting at a cafe
eating a shrimp sandwich.
the man at the next table
waits for his date,
impatiently drumming his fingers.
every time he looks up
his gaze collides against the side of my face
again and again and again.

i want to move,
but there are no other tables.

2003-01-28T20:36:00.000-08:00

"We'd better get going." Oogami gently interrupted the conversation, smiling. "The train leaves in less than twenty minutes, and it'll be a long walk to the station."

Through her tears, Iris made a face, and Sakura hugged her even more tightly, laughing. "It's all right, Iris, we'll visit often."

"Well you'd better!" Kanna piped up. "We have a new play next month, and we can't afford to have our new star missing it."

"Kanna-san!" The dark-haired girl blushed at her friend's words. "I-I'm not..."

"You know you are, and don't deny it!" Orihime wagged a finger disapprovingly. "Sumire did relinquish her throne to you, you know."

"And Sakura-han does wonders for the tills too," Kohran observed.

"Orihime-san, Kohran-san, I--!"

There came a small tug at her sleeve. It was Iris, still teary-eyed, but now smiling up at her. "Take care, okay, Sakura? Come back with Oniichan soon."

"We will, Iris." Sakura smiled back and glanced at the spot where her husband was waiting---

---Only to find him gone.

"Ichirou...san?"

"Sakura!" Maria burst through the door, wide-eyed. "What are you doing there? They almost left without you!"

"Ah!" Sakura jumped up, face flushing in embarrassment. "I-I'm sorry!" She gave Iris a last hug and hurriedly slung her bag over her shoulder, almost tripping over her own feet in her haste.

The rest of the Hanagumi watched her go in silence.

"Man, she's clumsy," Kanna commented, somewhat unnecessarily.

"C'mon, let's see them off," Kohran eagerly said.

"Good idea!" Orihime exclaimed.

"Take Iris with you," Iris pleaded, struggling with the sheets.

"No Iris, you can't get up, you still have a fever."

"I'll watch her." Reni, who had been standing in the corner all this time, suddenly spoke up. Her blue eyes briefly darted toward Iris, who glowered at her, before turning back to focus on Orihime. "You go on ahead and see the ensign and Sakura off."

There was a pause before Orihime nodded, grinning meaningfully. "You make sure she doesn't get out of bed, all right?"

"Roger."

"Mou," Iris pouted, "Iris isn't a kid anymore!"

There came no reply. As the sound of footsteps thundering down the hall finally died out, Iris grabbed fistfuls of blanket about her and sulked.

Silence.

Then Reni spoke. "Iris."

Iris tightened her grip on the blanket and turned her face away --- only to look back in surprise as something soft and furry brushed against her cheek.

It was Jean-Paul, her teddy bear, who had been missing for weeks now.

Reni stood by her bed, holding the bear out to her. "I didn't want to give him back until I had fully mended him."

As Iris stared, the look in her eyes turned from surprise to disbelief to joy, and for a moment it seemed like she would reach for the toy. But then she suddenly turned away, drawing the sheets more fully about her. "I don't need him!"

The bear hung suspended in the air.

"Take him away!"

There was a pause, and the bear finally started to draw away. "I understand."

Iris blinked.

"You did say you didn't want him back then, after all." Slowly, the bear retreated into the hollow of Reni's arms. "I'm sorry, I forgot."

Iris quickly turned around --- did she imagine it, or was that---

The blue in Reni's eyes was calm as it had always been, but there came a slight flicker of something she never thought she would ever see---

"I'm sorry," Reni said again. Her fingers had closed around the bear, pale white against brown, and Iris finally noticed the small cuts on her skin --- probably caused by some wayward needle or pair of scissors...

-----

Exercise snippet number three.
I am now resisting the urge to kick myself.

How ever will this segue into that impromptu Marius-Cosette scene rehearsal (i.e. Reni being less of herself and more of Marius: pardon me, I am talking to you I do not know what I am saying to you, perhaps I annoy you?)? And I wanted to have that bit so badly too. I am screwing up the Sakura Taisen 4 timeline --- first of all, the Paris Kagekidan doesn't make an appearance, two, Oogami chooses Sakura while they rehearse Les Miserables, and three, the two pack up and leave for...uh, wherever Oogami lives...right after the first performance. Which means Sakura leaves the Thenardier role for Kaede.

I'd be so much happier if I hadn't seen those blasted Marius!Reni and Cosette!Iris screenshots. I will wring their necks for being so bloody cute.

2003-01-21T04:09:00.000-08:00

Chihiro looked up from her notebook, blinking slightly in the lamplight, and listened.

A music box was playing.

She slowly turned around in her seat, gently setting her pen down on the tabletop. The flat she lived in was barely large enough to house her, but in spite of that she crammed its corners with little trinkets and souvenirs, such as the music box she kept on the shelf wedged between the shoe rack and the stove.

That same music box was playing now.

She tiptoed to the door, gingerly lifted the noren, and peeked outside. Standing in the genkan was a tall dark-haired boy about her age, dressed in robes of white, holding the music box in his palm. His green eyes watched the small crank turn, wide with fascination, before lifting to meet her bemused gaze.

Chihiro grinned. “Hi there.”

He bowed politely. It was one habit he could never rid himself of. “Pardon the intrusion.”

“Intrude as you please.” She stepped out into the corridor, not bothering to hide her pleasure at seeing him. She loved having him visit her --- he had always been one of her most favorite people, and even though he came from another world, he seemed to fit in perfectly with the pastel curtains and the scratched pots and the strewn sneakers. “Finally got off work?”

“They were gracious enough to give me some time to rest.” His eyes were back on the music box. “So naturally I came to see you.”

“That’s very sweet.”

“Is it.” A small smile lifted his lips. “And how are the ‘papers’?”

“Dreadful.” Chihiro made a face. "I'm not even halfway through the first one."

“Hmmm.”

“But I’ll be able to finish them tonight, I think. It depends.”

The musicbox stopped playing. His fingers closed around it lightly, lingering for a moment, before he reached out to place it on the shelf where it belonged.

“Come up now, Haku.” It sounded more like a plea than a command. She held out a hand as if to guide him, when he had been in her flat so many times that he knew its crooks and crannies better than she ever possibly could. "I'll make us some tea and serve you cheap biscuits and bore you to death about my paper."

He smiled, taking her proffered hand and stepping into the hall. "I'm afraid I didn't bring anything with me today. It was terribly impolite of me to visit without a token of some sort."

"You don't need to bring anything." She shook her head, making her ponytail flap in the air. "I don't even need anything. Just seeing you is..."

"'Is'?" They had stopped in their tracks, and he turned his gaze full on her, making it even more difficult for her to continue.

"Is...is enough for me, I mean. You know." Embarrassed, she gave their linked hands a little shake.

"No, I don't think I know."

"Hakuuu."

He laughed, and she opened her mouth to say more, but right then and there --- in the small corridor of her cramped flat, between the rusty refrigerator and the closet with its small tin mobile hovering dangerously close to their heads, he bent down and gently kissed her, making it clear that whatever it was she wanted to say, he understood very well.

----------

Exercise snippet number two. I'm getting worse at this. Chihiro in college? Something like that. *makes kissy noises*

Tin, I don't really think fanfic writers have such noble intentions (i.e. posting snippets, etc. to somehow involve the reader in the creative process --- wait, does this fall under 'noble'?). But it's a nice way of looking at it. Sort of detracts from the reality that the writer thinks I'm doing this to make you all adore me because I think you should all adore me mwahahahahaa.

Anyway, I found a new Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi section up at ff.net. Haku/Chihiro reunion themes common (and expected), but I'm not exactly complaining here... I found two fics that were quite intriguing, though one insisted that it, unlike other fics, had 'a plot instead of just teeming over with fluff'. Not the exact words, but it kind of hit me, because I write plotless fluff. I tend to get stuck on certain things and dwelling on them and coming up with n-word oneshots about them, which is probably good for a literary exercise, but not very intelligent. (?) In other words, I think I need to plot plot, and write plot. Sounds good, ain't? Gimme ten years.

And oh, I agree, that take *points down* on Yukiru is OOC. I love Tohru being a bit bolder and Yuki-kun shying away, though that rarely (or never) happens. Though I did get a Furuba volume 9 recently and haven't read it yet but leafed through it and noticed that Yuki-kun is acting the exact same way I've always wanted him to act (i.e. slightly unsure, a bit more detached, etc). To find out the reason for his odd behavior, I've decided that I have to go buy seven more volumes.

By the way, I thought I'd plug:

[1] anything Haku/Sen by Kristin Olson
[2] Yukiru by Kanae Funwa (specifically this, this, and these two lemons)
[3] Miroku/Sango by Aino-kaachan

Lovely reads.

2003-01-15T17:41:00.000-08:00

Her palm was cold to the touch, but her gaze was set on him, full and steady. He tried to stare back as hard as he could, but it was too much; he looked down at their linked hands and pretended to busy himself with turning them this way and that.

"Yuki-kun."

The little game ended with the back of her hand down on his lap. "Hmm?"

"You did agree to the punishment, didn't you?"

He looked up, blinking. "Punishment?"

The slightest tinge of red colored her cheeks. "You know what I'm talking about."

He leaned his head to one side. "I'm not so sure, Honda-sa--"

With amazing alacrity, she leaned forward and pressed her mouth against his, cutting him off in midsentence. Her fingers tightened on his, almost painfully.

His mind went blank.

It was over before he could even think about it. "I told you..." She cleared her throat, then lowered her voice into a whisper. "I told you there'd be punishment."

The faint echo of laughter sounded from downstairs, where the others were still busy with lunch. Her brown eyes nervously darted towards the door, before turning back to focus on him. "It's 'Tohru', remember?"

"'Tohru', Honda-sa--?"

She kissed him again.

Ah. It was starting to make sense, little by little. But thinking was the last thing he wanted to do at the moment. He leaned into her, pressing her back fully against the wall, and she was soft and warm and wonderful. He decided he liked being punished. A lot.

"'Tohru'," she mouthed against his ear, "say 'Tohru'."

It was hard. "T-Tohru...san."

Punishment for that was disappointingly brief. "You're getting there," she happily said. "Do your best, Yuki-kun!"

-----

Exercise snippet, part one. I haven't written anything in ages and it shows.
This actually came from a dream I had last night. I haven't thought about anything Yukiru in a while, so it's weird that I actually dreamed about them. I can still remember the look of the room, the way they sat before each other on the floor, and all those faint sounds in the background (most striking of which was Ayame singing something on karaoke). O_O;

2003-01-08T19:07:00.000-08:00

I've been reading this over and over because I've been wanting to write, but I think I'm confused:

page 10
1
Miroku: To me, you are a special girl.
4
Miroku: I never thought I would treasure and trust a girl so much.

page 11
1
Miroku: However... that is precisely why, I can't love you as a girl.
4
Miroku: You are a companion to fight alongside with. That's how I feel.

Miroku loves Sango but he's being pessimistic and thinks they probably won't be able to survive the fight with Naraku (or he probably won't even make it to the fight because of his curse) so he's setting his feelings aside?
Miroku loves Sango but he thinks his feelings will prevent him from acting rationally in battle so he keeps them hidden?
Miroku loves Sango but he doesn't want to worry about her?
There are more important things than loving Sango?
Am I even on the right track?
No?

*kicks Miroku into space*

2003-01-03T22:07:00.000-08:00

I'm in another one of my 'ohmigod-I-suck-royally' moods. Read all my fics so far, got nauseous, complained to (fic) rabbit about it. (Fic) rabbit not the least bit sympathetic (was too busy eating lunch). Got this in the mail today. I want to join, but I'm not sure if I can make the deadline... I'm notoriously bad with deadlines. And so far ideas don't seem interesting enough. Hmm...maybe another Yukiru, or a Miroku/Sango? I was thinking, maybe ExT, but I'm still suffering from ExT oversaturation. And I'm not sure if I want to join the fic contest or the fan art contest or both.

2003-01-01T01:47:00.000-08:00

A very happy new year to everyone!
I've resolved to work harder this year, and start on (or at least think about working on) the following:

Sakura Taisen (Ren-Ai) fic, 'The Last Bromide'
Sakura Taisen (Ren-Ai) fic, 'Douceur'
Sakura Taisen (Ren-Ai) fic, 'Kibou' (working title)
Inuyasha (Inu/Kago) fic, 'Kimi o Nosete' (working title)
Inuyasha (Miro/San) fic, 'Real' (working title)
Fruits Basket (Yukiru) fic, 'Closer'
Fruits Basket (Ayame) fic, 'Flight'
Fruits Basket (Hatori) fic, [untitled]
Gatekeepers (Kageyama/Megumi) fic, 'Pieces'
CCS (ExT) fic, 'Kanaete'
CCS (Fujitaka) fic, 'Fujitaka'
CCS fic, 'Monogatari'

and consider the following possibilities:

adopted fic, i.e. 'Starcast'
Momiji
Hiro/Kisa
Haku/Sen
Kenyako
Maria/Sakura
Haruka/Usagi
Narutaki birthday fic
Mimi o Sumaseba epilogue of sorts

Eeeeei, let's go, let's go.
Re: the Christmas presents, I was terrible at making them. But they will pop up in here sooner or later. *sighs* I'm such a dolt.

2002-12-22T01:18:00.000-08:00

Read five volumes worth of Inuyasha translations and now my head is splitting (but in a nice sort of way, considering I now have Miroku and Sango snogging happily in some private corner in my mind --- er, don't mind me). Too cute! And I think I love Miroku to bits now. *happy happy happy*

I did try to work on stuff I was supposed to work on (er, Chelle-san, you're not the only one who's slow), but all I came up with was:

"Yuki-kuuun," drawled Shigure, "you're being too hard on yourself, you know."

Tohru nodded eagerly. "Shigure-san is right! Have more confidence in yourself, Yuki-kun!"

Yuki hesitated for a moment, looking down at the piece of cloth in his lap. Then slowly, almost shyly, he raised it high enough for both his cousin and Tohru to see. The two leaned forward excitedly.

"My!" Shigure sparkled. "What an adorable rabbit!"

Yuki's eyes narrowed. "It's a mouse."

The room fell silent.

Up Next on Closer, More or Less: Yuki-kun sews! *sweatdrop*

I've been thinking about this whole ficwriting business --- it really has its good days and bad days. I've had a couple of good days myself (and those days I wasn't even intent on coming up with something I could be proud of) but generally speaking, I have more bad days than good. Today appears to be a bad day with short moments of good in it. Very very short moments of good. I ought to take advantage of them by writing Christmas fic, or maybe...Sango brooding. *is sparkling again*

P.S. No, really, tell me about the Weiss/CCS crossover fic bunny. ^^
P.P.S. And I did tell you it's all right, remember? I remember sending an equally uberemotional response to that one, so we're even. ^^
P.P.P.S. Umm, I can't write HP though. >_<; I've been trying to, but I find I can't, so I just read. Thank god for people like Arabella. ^^

2002-12-19T17:36:00.000-08:00

For Wen-sama: Sakura Taisen game translations. I'll look for more. (read: is being shamelessly excited about reading more Sakura Taisen fic) And the Sugar Quill is an online HP community, or something like that. It just used to be a collective of fan art and fanfiction, but it grew. It leans toward R/H, H/G, and S/R.

And something I should've added to the fic quiz below: I think I will be ambushed by Miroku/Sango soon. Very very soon. Reason number one two three four. Inuyasha and Kagome are cute too, but this time Miroku and Sango are...

2002-12-17T09:21:00.000-08:00

np: Mayfly, Naoe Nagi (Sasaki Nozomu)

Am I hearing this right? Nagi-kun's singing boku wa hen da / boku wa hen da? o_O Okay. Ran into dead ends with both Reni fic and Yukiru fic, decided to steal Jae-san's stolen quiz for a quick diversion. (BTW, Jae-san, Fancy~! XD)

1. The first story I EVER posted/read was: (if you don't remember, describe story)
The first story I ever read was...uh. I don't remember the title (I'm bad with titles). I don't even remember what it was really about, but I'm sure it was written by someone named Biles.
The first story I ever posted was an untitled story about Syaoran making a teddy bear. But before that I already had fics for Ranma 1/2, Sailormoon, Eva, One-Pound Gospel (!), YYH... I just didn't muster enough courage to post anything until I joined the CCS fandom.

2. The fandom for that was... (if you're too ashamed to admit it, lie!)
First Fic I Read: Ranma 1/2
First Fic I Posted: CCS

3. And this was actually back in...
First Fic I Read: 1996 or 1997 or possibly earlier
First Fic I Posted: 1999

4. My favorite genre to write is:
Waff and humor.

5. My favorite genre to read is:
Waff and humor. Or angst or not-too melodramatic drama. But basically I read anything that catches my fancy. (Or, I read anything that has my favorite pairing in it, regardless of whether the writing is painful or not.)

6. My TOP FIVE or VERY favorite fan-author(s) is/are:
Um... I'll get back to you in a while. (But if there's one person I'd really love to prod into writing more, it'd be Wen-sama.)

7. My favorite published-author(s) is/are:
In no particular order: Kate Atkinson, Naguib Mahfouz, Zelda Fitzgerald, Margaret Atwood, Lemony Snicket, Umberto Eco, Jessica Zafra, Diana Wynne Jones, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Zilpha Keatley Snyder.

8. I can often be found haunting...
Fic blogs, Japanese fic sites (like Hina-san's), ff.net, the Sugar Quill (occasionally).

9. My current passion(s) is/are:
[1] Reni/Iris (Sakura Taisen) - ubercute but dammit, nobody's writing fic! >_<* I really really want to write, but I always feel like I know too little about the series. I need the game (or to chat with someone who's played it already).

[2] Yuki/Tohru (Fruits Basket) - *sparkles dangerously*

10. A fandom I kind of miss, and still have a few unexorcised ghosts for is:
CCS. I liked the fandom before the series gained popularity. I'll probably go back when everyone finally moves out of it.

11. My strangest, most unexpected fandom turn was:
Probably X, though I wasn't really in it (I was half there and half not there).

12. Something I wish I could write for, but never did/never will was:
If this streak of bad luck continues, I'll have to say Sakura Taisen. ;_; And all CLAMP series other than CCS. And Utena. I'd love to write Utena, but I'll be very horrible at it, I think. And oh, Harry Potter. And Romeo no Aoi Sora. And...

13. I'm happily (or unhappily) anticipating being ambushed at some point by:
Actually, I'm already being ambushed by Sakura Taisen. More specifically, utterly ridiculous ideas for Reni/Iris waff (and to a lesser degree, Maria/Sakura angst). And I think I'll easily fall into the Kayama/Kaede trap.

14. A secret fandom urge I've never confessed is:
Join the HP fandom and take Sugar Quill by storm. Wait, that's not secret; I actually said that before. A year ago, I think. (Talk about giving oneself airs.)

15. I am most proud of (reading/writing/being involved with) this particular fandom aspect:
Um...cynical/sarcastic Clow Reed? I can still hear him go 'baka keshin' in my head every once in a while.

2002-12-08T14:31:00.000-08:00

Feeling cold, lazy, fat, useless, and irritable.

[1] I am a Yukiru fan, so the possibility of me writing Kyoru is NIL.

[2] However, Kyou/Kagura might not take that much effort, despite the fact that--

[3] I happen to hate Kyou. A lot.

[4] Kyou makes an appearance in some vignettes, and so does Shigure, but I haven't written those ones yet. But the series is Yukiru. There are tons of Kyoru out there --- I believe it's still more popular than Yukiru, so I'm sure you won't have trouble finding fics to read.

...That came out nicer than I thought.

Up Next:
more Closer
Reni + bromide-selling
Reni + violin
X'mas fics

2002-12-05T22:12:00.000-08:00

Second act of Closer up, though it shouldn't be, because I wrote it without thinking. And oh, something that made me cackle all afternoon. XD

2002-12-04T16:01:00.000-08:00

Reading her diary makes me feel bad about not having a Hana to Yume subscription. ('Bad' is an understatement.) It appears that the latest chapter (see her 2002.11.20 entry) is Yukiru again, but she doesn't exactly say why --- and what little she divulges, I don't really understand that much... Something about Tohru looking caught off guard and someone ribbing her about going on a date and Yuki-kun smiling and saying Sorry for having you come here on such short notice and all? Eh? I'm positive I'm not reading this correctly. Unfortunately I don't have time to do so because I have to make a run for it (late late late)!

2002-12-02T07:54:00.000-08:00

HAH.

...As if I'd change ships, really. ^_^ I think the old shipping fever is coming back. Not good.

2002-11-29T07:23:00.000-08:00

NOTE: This will be long and will probably not make much sense because I'm already half-asleep and not thinking at all.

The art school I went to propagated this culture of dissatisfaction --- no wait, I probably shouldn't say 'culture', it was more like 'common mindset'. ...'Mindset'? Nope. Okay. I'll try to be as blunt about this as possible --- dissing oneself was the norm. If someone looked over your shoulder while you were working, it was expected that you say something like "aww this sucks, this is so bad, what the hell am I doing?", then the person would either walk away or say something to placate you. I wasn't very bothered about it at the time, and dissing myself was something that came very easily to me --- I had classmates who were very very good and made me feel that all I come up with is crap. I figured they thought my work was crap too, but I didn't want to hear it from them, so I dissed my work before they could find the opportunity to diss mine. Little did I know how destructive that 'exercise in humility' could be...

I think that's the main reason why I'm never satisfied with my work. I've developed this mindset that there will always be something wrong with what I do, so no matter how hard I work on something, in the end I'll always find some detail to hate --- a wayward line, a wrong shade of color, or more obvious problems like distortion, faulty perspective... So off to the wastebasket it goes. (Of course, I could always chalk this down to perfectionism, but then the anecdote I wrote above would be pointless.)

Sophie-chan's attitude toward drawing is completely different from mine. She works very hard, keeps her faults in mind, and actually does concrete things to correct those faults. As for me, I recognize my faults but spend more time griping about them than actually doing something about them, thus my obvious lack of progress in certain things --- like drawing proper anatomy. (Or proper people, for that matter.) So I understand Sophie-chan's frustration with not getting a lot of feedback when she's working so hard to be better at her craft, as opposed to the people who get tons of feedback when they're not even good enough to merit praise. But the world's always been unfair that way, I think.

We all want feedback, that's for sure. The problem is, I think you can only get feedback from [1] friends, [2] people who actually think you deserve it, or [3] people who gush just so they can be gushed over themselves. And the only time you hear from all these people is when they do comment; oftentimes they will just sail through your gallery, take a look at a picture or two, and then move on, keeping their thoughts to themselves. (If truth be told, I do that all the time myself.)

The premise now is: not commenting is the norm. If that is true, then how do some artists manage to get so much feedback? (And a rhetorical question: how many circles can I walk around in before I finally collapse?)

Some people raised a lot of good points --- Oneesama said something about people not noticing their own progress because they're too caught up in the process of creating to really notice the results; Serena said that giving a work your all is what matters; Ki-chan said that it's important to dwell on the good points of your work rather than thinking about your faults all the time; Kim said that what's important is that you love what you do. And they're all correct. What I'd like to add to that is this --- don't ever ever give up on yourself. Be very kind to yourself. But don't overdo it, because too much self-love would also result in a jaded view of your work (I know someone who thinks she's too good, when her work is actually not that spectacular. I operate by my standards, of course.)

So now, concrete steps toward self-betterment (mine): [1] draw a lot, [2] draw a lot, [3] draw a lot, [4] try to keep in mind that there will always be people better than you are, but that's no reason to stop trying, [5] try to be appreciative and not sick with jealousy, [6] be positive about your own work in general.

This is getting to be very Chicken Soup-ish, so I'm shutting up now.

P.S. I can't resist --- on ff.net, not-so-good fanfics score more than a hundred reviews. I think that's because those fics, plot-wise and style-wise, are very hoi polloi-friendly (I don't mean to sound too snooty about this, but yeah). But I think fan art is different; it's extremely relative. Some will consider good fan art as being faithful to the original, but others will just look for the essence of the character in the character, no matter what style it's drawn in. So how does a certain pic score a hundred ff.net-ish reviews --- especially if happens to be not faithful to the original style nor a character essence-bearing character? In short, how (and why) does crap score tons of praise if it is crap?

P.P.S. To the one who asked about the 'Serenade' translation: I'll do my best. I'm not sure when I can have it up, though.

P.P.P.S. Thank you Tin, Rael-san, Sunshine, Sophie-chan. *bows deeply*

2002-11-26T21:49:00.000-08:00

There is something strange with this post: the first line pops up in the earlier entry, even though the posting dates for both are different. Accidentally erased the first act of Closer in the process of removing it. Dang.
Anyway, Closer will be up at ff.net instead. Lots of thanks and glomps go out to Belle-nee, Kai-chan, Serena, Meemee, and Calendar.
Read Howl's Moving Castle, fell in love, wrote Howl/Sophie fic: Ever After.
I ought to sound more ashamed of it, but I'm so stressed out, I think I'll settle for sheepishness instead. (?)

2002-11-26T21:45:00.000-08:00

Read Howl's Moving Castle in one sitting, fell in love, wrote Howl/Sophie fic: Kanaete. Hmmmm. I'm torn between wishing the fic a Happy Birthday and chucking it into the wastebasket.

And I swear, Serenade (by Okazaki Ritsuko, from the 'Shiki ~ Fruits Basket Image Album') is the perfect song for a Yuki-centric fic. The lyrics are so Yuki, it's almost as if Okazaki wrote it with him in mind. Unfortunately, I can't post a translation because my brain isn't functioning properly at the moment (I can post lyrics though). But anyway, if anyone wants to write a Yuki-centric songfic, I'd definitely recommend this song.

Songfic, hmmmm.

2002-11-14T04:41:00.000-08:00

More Sakura Taisen babble. And no, I'm not getting tired of this. Yet.

Kai-chan, Oogami x Sakura is fine, but it bores me. Years ago I got into that pairing because of this clip I downloaded (a date sequence from the first game, which is basically just Oogami and Sakura trying to catch a cable car). Then L-chan and I got into *coughs* Maria x Sakura, which is really cute, and then I started to think Oogami was blah, and then... Anyway. If I do have to pair Oogami up with somebody it'll have to be either Sakura or Erica. Or maybe Hanabi. Or better yet, have him end up with that big burly guy from the Baragumi. *chortles*

Oogami does have his good points --- he's a competent leader, he takes his job(s) seriously, he's optimistic, he never gives up. Anime!Oogami's like that, but Game!Oogami has a more human side --- he sneaks peeks at girls in the bath, he notices how their outfits cling to their bodies, stuff like that. Anime!Oogami is noble, Game!Oogami is half noble, half lecherous, and Stage!Oogami is wimpy. I couldn't get myself to like any of them. To me, Oogami is generally blah. He annoys me only when he's paired with certain characters that I don't want paired with him (i.e. Reni, Iris, Maria, Kanna, Kohran), which is kind of stupid, because if you play the game Oogami really has to end up with someone, and---

Aargh, dammit, let's go on a 'Be Blunt!' campaign.

Point #1: I think Oogami x Sakura or Oogami x Erica is fine.

Point #2: I hate Oogami x Reni. Unfortunately, a huge faction of the Reni-loving community is into that pairing (less than half are into Reni x Orihime), and that makes me feel like kicking stuff.

Point #3: Unfortunately, one can't write Sakura Taisen fic without Oogami popping up in it every once in a while --- wuss or not, he's an important character, and he's connected to everyone in one way or another. For (some of) the girls, he's the first guy they've been in relatively close contact with, and that means a lot. (Poor girls.)

But then again, it's really easy to do away with him altogether. Most Sakura Taisen fics dismiss Oogami as 'clipping tickets out front' or 'away on a trip' or 'summoned by Yoneda for a drink' and then gleefully hop on to the interesting stuff. I don't mind that at all; I've done that before. ^^ And really, Hanagumi pairings are much more interesting than trying to think up solutions to the Oogami x Who? dilemma (unless you get nauseous at the thought of pairing a girl with a girl).

...I've yakked this much and I still don't know what I'm really talking about. I think I'll go take a nap.

2002-11-12T13:23:00.000-08:00

Finished five volumes of Inuyasha (more or less, because I'm only reading the translations) and so far I like what I've seen, though I should really read on to find out the real score between Kikyou and Inuyasha. I downloaded about ten Inu/Kago fics and got depressed over that scene (in volume eight?) where

S

P

O

I

L

E

R

?

.

.

.

Inuyasha and Kikyou kiss. I don't know if it's because I'm in another one of my moods or because of my sentimental wussness (wussity? wussfulness?) but everytime I get to a scene that has Kagome looking on helplessly as Kikyou draws Inuyasha near, I end up crying. *muses again* It's definitely my sentimental wussness.

But sentimental wuss or not, I felt like writing, so I kind of shoved work out of the way and tried to pen a few lines. I wasn't very successful, so I made a list of things to write instead. (I like lists.)

Ze Official Fic List Haux Haux Haux

Title: Douceur
Series: Sakura Taisen
Pairing: Reni x Iris
Keywords: strawberry shortcake, Asakusa bakeshop, fawning fanboy, Jealous!Reni
Chapters: 1

Title: Kibou
Series: Sakura Taisen
Pairing: Reni x Iris
Keywords: Oogami's bride, Les Miserables, Jealous!Iris, Confused!(?)Reni
Chapters: 4

Title: ?
Series: Inuyasha
Pairing: Inuyasha x Kagome
Keywords: palmistry or bicycle ride, it depends
Chapters: 1

Title: Closer
Series: Fruits Basket
Pairing: Yuki x Tohru
Keywords: random waffy vignettes
Chapters: 13

Title: ?
Series: Fruits Basket
Pairing: Yuki x Tohru
Keywords: rainy night, call from Ayame, video camera, mustard jar
Chapters: 1

Title: Flight
Series: Fruits Basket
Pairing: None (Ayame-centric)
Keywords: afternoon sky, memory, quilt
Chapters: 1

Title: ?
Series: Fruits Basket
Pairing: None (Hatori x Kana?)
Keywords: Juunishi dance
Chapters: 1

Title: Pieces
Series: Gatekeepers
Pairing: Reiji x Megumi
Keywords: post-AEGIS-invader confrontation, insecurity, ramen
Chapters: 3

Title: Kanaete
Series: Card Captor Sakura
Pairing: Eriol x Tomoyo, Sakura x Syaoran, Yamazaki x Chiharu
Keywords: play, confession, Kaho, family ties
Chapters: 5/?

Title: Fujitaka
Series: Card Captor Sakura
Pairing: none (act 2-3: Fujitaka x Nadeshiko)
Keywords: past, present, future
Chapters: 4, including epilogue

Title: Monogatari
Series: Card Captor Sakura
Pairing: none?
Keywords: random vignettes
Chapters: 6

There. I get this sense of accomplishment when I make lists, even though it'll take me n years to write all of this (if I do end up writing them). And it's not really lack of inspiration, Mona-san; in fact, I think I have too much of it.

I read these ones before I but I forgot to plug: lovely Haku/Chihiro fics (if you do a little more poking around at Kristin's site you'll find a link to Japanese Digimon fic, which include a cute multichaptered Kenyako and some Tamers lemon, I think).

And Serena finally has a fic blog. ^^

2002-11-08T01:46:00.000-08:00

New link is Rael-san, whose blog I've been sneaking peeks at for some time now. ^^ I'm particularly enamoured with this snippet for some reason. Will catch up on my reading as soon as this connection shapes up--- *kicks modem*

By the way, Onigiri reads too much like the first part of this fic, except that Ming-san's mouse is feral and more...mouse-like. Horrors~!

Calendar, thanks for the link; I downloaded translations for the first twenty volumes, but I haven't read them yet. But I've seen the movie. I think I'll hate Kikyou, because in the movie she was kind of bitchy. I love Kagome. (But my favorite female is probably Sango.) I love Inuyasha too. Hell, Miroku's not bad either. He's a pretty cute lecher (though some insist he's not just a lecher...).

Updates on fics: none. I failed to make the deadline, so I guess it's safe to announce that the hiatus sign is still blinking over my head. (But as for pics and whatnot, I've been working on those. And oh, Mona-san, the lovely lovely Mona-san who founded the Yukiru ML and sent me Naked!Yuki pics while dancing around me singing Sa-kun no sukebeeee~, will let me translate her new shipment of Yukiru doujinshi. More Yukiru! Now I really have to do my best! YUKIIIIIIIII~!)

And here ends today's insanity fit. Join me next time as I attempt to stuff strawberry shortcake up Reni-chan's cute little nose to punish her for not cooperating with me re: the upcoming waffy PWP.

2002-11-06T00:48:00.000-08:00

...So tired. But there are now two short Yukiru fics up here. Short ones, nothing much. Just scroll down to read. *collapses on ground*

2002-10-31T15:54:00.000-08:00

Just curious: when you write multi-chaptered fics, do you start at the beginning or begin at some random point and work from there? I always write from the beginning and try to end up at an ending from there, but now it looks like I have to do it the other way around. I think the reason why the vignettes are being a pain is not because Yuki-kun isn't cooperating (though he is being pretty stubborn), but because I'm stuck at the first vignette and can't move on from there. The first vignette has Akito, and I hate Akito, so...

Akito: Imbecile.
Me: Bastard.

And I think I've lost a certain degree of interest in Yukiru (horrors!). But it's easy to get back into the spirit of things, especially with fics and pics and certain episodes of the anime around. And the radio drama too; especially the third intermission, which makes me smile everytime I listen to it. Here's a crappy transcription:

Tohru: Well, well, let's see...um, what...shall we talk about...?
Yuki: *sweatdrop* You haven't decided yet?
Kyou: Oi oi.
Tohru: Aa, I..I'm sorry! I-I'll think about it right now---
Yuki: Ah, you don't have to apologize, Honda-san. Well then, let's think up a topic together.
Tohru: Y-Yes, let's do that!
Yuki: Hmm, what topic'll do...
Tohru: What topic will do, I wonder?
Kyou: Ah, geez, any topic'll do, won't it?!

No, Kyon-Kyon, it has to be the topic, you know. But you wouldn't know that because you're an idiot.

Kyou: I'm not an idiot. And I hate you.
Me: I hate you too, don't worry.

2002-10-29T15:29:00.000-08:00

Writing, I think, requires some degree of empathy and/or out of body experience. Anyway, I don't have much time to dwell on this; I just thought I'd announce that the following are coming up pretty soon (in full or bits and pieces, it depends):

[1] Douceur (I need a better title) - a Reni x Iris PWP
In a Nutshell: Jealous!Reni and other previously unthinkable stuff. *coughs*
Rationale: ...Um.
Target Posting Date: Before the week ends.

[2] Closer (only if Yuki-kun cooperates) - a series of Yukiru vignettes
In a Nutshell: 13 vignettes that supposedly don't have anything to do with each other (but can make sense if read in succession?)
Rationale: I am a Yukiru nut.
Target Posting Date: Before the week ends (but only for the first three ones).

I noticed how lots of Juunishi dance fics have popped up these past few months so I just might put a hiatus sign on the Still Untitled Hatori dance fic (I still like the idea though). Might also write a very very short Inu Yasha/Kagome or Shouji/Natsumi if I get to do a lot of thinking tonight.

2002-10-27T17:16:00.000-08:00

Updated.

2002-10-24T07:09:00.000-07:00

A funny thing happened while I was cramming my layouts: I found (bad) fic snippets scribbled on the back of several loose sheets of notepaper. Which is very odd because I never even remembered writing them down. I've decided to post them because I know I'll misplace them sooner or later. Most of them aren't worth keeping though. And oh, the grammar check, the grammar check.

[1] For act 1: Syaoran, from "Monogatari" (a series of CCS vignettes):

When he finally found her, he was so out of breath and so angry that it took him all his willpower to keep from shouting at her. There were so many things to say, like why the hell do you keep running away from me and you said you wouldn't use magic anymore but all that came out of his mouth was I left the apartment unlocked and the salmon is burning.

[2] For act 1: Syaoran, from "Monogatari" (take two):

He completely forgot about the fish (salmon, cut into five pink slivers) until he found himself standing at an intersection six blocks away from his apartment. It was highly unusual for him to forget, especially since he was the most meticulous of cooks. Cooking, he often said in his best I-know-what-I'm doing-don't-mess-with-me voice, is an exact science. There are minutes to take note of. And you don't just flip and toss because you feel like it. To which she'd reply, smiling, hai, Li-sama.

[3] For "Kanaete" (a.k.a. the ExT fic from hell), act 5:

Spinel gave the soup bowl a final lick before flicking his tail and looking up at Tomoyo expectantly. The old Tomoyo would have smiled at him, given him a pat, poured more soup into his bowl, but tonight she sat stiffly in her chair, staring at Kaho, who was bantering with Eriol about something. Spinel flicked his tail again and frowned. Something was amiss...

But before he could give it more thought, a cough sounded from his right. It was Nakuru, holding out the salad bowl. "Veggies, Suppi?"

Spinel eyed the dressing dubiously. "What's that?"

"Caesar's Salad. It's good."

"What goes in Caesar's Salad?"

"Water, salt, cream, and Caesar, of course."

"What kind of cream?"

"Sour cream." The bowl shook, impatiently. "Now are you getting some or not?"

[4] For act 1 of "Closer" (a.k.a. them goddamn Yukiru vignettes):

When he dreamt about the room it was always dark, and he was never alone in it.

Even as his hands skimmed the dusk frantically in search of a door, he was fully aware of the soft, steady rhythm of Akito's breathing. It seemed as if the room were filled with it, as if the darkness were Akito himself, wrapping strong dusky arms about him and leaning close to whisper teasingly against his ear---

I SEE YOU.

Yuki squeezed his eyes shut and went on, feeling his heart thump madly against his chest. Reaching out a hand, he finally managed to touch what seemed like a wall, but when he held out his other hand to make sure, the wall had disappeared. The room seemed to be morphing. But of course, it was a dream --- /his/ dream --- and in dreams rooms had wills of their own.

[5] For act 1 of "Closer":

It took Yuki several seconds to realize that he was sitting up in bed, feet tangled in the sheets, his back drenched with sweat.

It was only a dream.

He clutched at his head, breathing hard. Was it a dream or a memory? Was there ever a difference? He did not know anymore. He did not kn---

"...Yuki-kun?"

He jumped.

Standing by his bedside lamp, finger frozen on the switch, was Tohru. Her voice was slightly heavy with sleep, but her brown eyes were wide with shock. Yuki stared at her for a moment.

What was she doing in his room?

As if reading the question in his mind, she began to gesticulate wildly. "Ah..ah...I-I was...um, I got up to get some water and noticed you left the light on so I...decided to turn it off but then y-you started groaning and...I'm sorry for coming in your room without permission, Yuki-kun!"

He wanted to say something, maybe something like it's okay Honda-san, you didn't do anything wrong, but the words were stuck in his throat. He could only stare at her.

She stared back.

The room fell silent, and there was only the faint echo of trees stirring outside his bedroom window.

[6] For "Fujitaka", act 2:

He knew nothing about himself, but they didn't care. They took him in, raised him, gave him a name and a Self to go with it. He became Kinomoto Fujitaka, a friendly, kind-hearted child with a pleasant disposition. He became Fujitaka --- the one born in January, the one who loved to read, the giver of small treats, the apprentice cook, everybody’s favorite brother, the one who liked mornings and music and insects and sugar. Fujitaka dreamed of seeing the world, of making his siblings happy, of owning a library as great as the universe.

“That’s who Fujitaka is,” he said to the woman beside him, as they slowly walked hand in hand down the busy street. They were getting him glasses downtown, then heading off to the market for some fruit and meat afterwards. Somewhere along the way he fell to talking about the past he knew nothing about, of having a Self he never knew, about the person he was now. He was sure she would laugh (most people would, he thought), but she only smiled at him reassuringly and squeezed his hand.

“That’s what you are, you mean.” Her eyes were soft. “You are Fujitaka, my boy.”

“They say I am.” He hesitated. “But what if I’m not meant to be him?”

"Hmm." She leaned her head to one side and pretended to think, the small rushes of silver hanging from her ears brushing against the side of her face as she did so. “Do you hate being Fujitaka?”

He stared at her. They had slowed down to a halt in front of a shop that read ‘Ikura Megane-Ya’.

“Do you?” She asked again.

“No,” he finally said, truthfully.

She smiled. “Good.” With her free hand, she slid the door open. There came the faint tinkling of chimes, the smell of coffee, and the sound of the shop owner coughing. “If I were you, I wouldn’t hate being Fujitaka either. I think he’s a very nice, smart boy." Her smile turned mischievous. "It's just that he has such terrible vision.”

[7] For the still untitled Hatori fic:

“Harii!” Momiji waved enthusiastically from the door of the practice hall. The small blonde boy was wearing leotards and ballet shoes and looked like he was enjoying himself. Hatori managed a wan smile at his cousin before turning back to the satiny slippers he had been trying to shove his feet into for the past fifteen minutes.

Nobody told him he had to wear ballet shoes for practice.

He really felt like killing someone at the moment.

Momiji hopped on the bench beside him. “Maybe if you don’t spread your toes out like that you can get the shoe on.”

“I am not spreading my toes out.”

“It sure looks like it to me.”

“You be quiet, Momiji.”

“Okay.” His cousin shrugged, fished out a candy bar from an invisible pocket and started to unwrap it.

[8] For act 3 of "Closer":

There was a small, barely perceptible bead of sweat on Yuki's immaculate forehead.

Tohru did not know what was so fascinating about it, but she couldn't help but stare at it as her hands seemed to move on their own accord --- stuffing the vegetables into plastic bags and twisting the tops into neat little knots, making sure the eggs were stacked on top of the chicken and tucked beneath the loaf of bread...

And while her hands worked and she stared for some reason she still could not comprehend, Sohma Yuki stood by the counter, seemingly oblivious to everything else, looking at the grocery list in his hands.

Prince Yuki, holding a grocery list in one hand and a handful of loose change in the other?

His fan club would die at the sight.

[9] For act 3 of "Closer", take two:

There were some things Tohru knew she was never ever supposed to do, like crossing the street without looking both ways, or putting too much water with the rice, and staring at people’s faces.

Especially staring at people’s faces.

But now she was standing by the counter (the purchases all neatly tucked into plastic bags and now forgotten), staring at Yuki as he stood next to her, holding the receipt in one hand and counting the change in the other.

2002-10-19T15:15:00.000-07:00

Another me me me post.

Going through so many people's fic logs made me want to lie low for a while... Lie low as in lurk. Which is basically what I've been doing for some time now, though I occasionally pop up and post a comment or two. I don't know if this is just another one of my moods, but I feel like there are too many screaming fangirls out there right now. Rather, there are too many screaming fangirls out there who write fic. Which isn't a bad thing, really, but it's the fangirlism that makes me cringe. I feel passionate about certain things myself (as if this new blog layout weren't any indication of that) and I do exhibit certain fangirlish behavior at times, but to actually 'see' other girls act and talk this way... It's enough for me to want to deny being into anime and manga. It's the same feeling I get whenever I walk into an anime store and hear all those overeager fans drool over the merchandise and brag about some anime they've seen---

Wait, is this really about fic or about being a fanperson in general? I don't know anymore... I wonder if I come across as a rabid fangirl myself. I probably should be ashamed of myself then. But anyway, I don't know what to think anymore: all I know now is that I shouldn't read too many fic logs.

And let me just bring up the art of accepting praise gracefully, which I've never been able to master (not that I get praise often, mind). I'm flattered to read some people saying they like my fics, and I'm thrilled to know that some people like what I lose sleep and meals over, but at the same time I feel like I'm being pushed into this mold that I don't know if I'll be able to fill. I admire and feel very inferior to certain people because they write wonderfully, so when someone mentions my name along with these certain fic goddesses I feel like I'm being put on. (I'm not exactly fishing for reassurance here or anything; I'm just babbling like the insecure git I am.) I'm sure we all want to be admired in some way, but how much trust should you put in a glowing review? When you're told how great you are, when should you believe and when should you not believe? Is this making any sense? Should I go dip my head in a bucket of water or something?

My friend Lain has a wonderful policy on life in general: never take anything seriously. I've been keeping it in mind, but I can't help but give too much thought to certain things. Like breakfast.

I think no one should ever try hitching a ride on my train of thought.

2002-10-14T13:44:00.000-07:00

I think I forgot to announce that I've been on a fic hiatus for about two weeks now. It isn't a significant thing, really, but since this is a fic blog, I thought--- (Ach, I can't think straight; I haven't slept a wink at all, and I have to stay the whole day at the office today too. Maybe I can haul a cot with me to work today? And Reni the Plushie?)

Anyway, upcoming projects include [1] all those Furuba fics I was supposed to work on but didn't, i.e. them goddamn vignettes et al, [2] a Furuba doujin that needs some serious re-layouting (maybe I should call this a web comic instead?), [3] a multi-chapter Reni/Iris fic to make up for the blunder that was 'Happiness', [4] various bribes for people, especially those who can write Ken/Miyako, because for some reason I'm stuck on that pairing and can't get enough of it.

While you're at it, write me Inu Yasha/Kagome and Reni/Iris and I'll throw myself at your feet and polish them with butter. (Unsalted, non-fat.)

Blogging and non-sleep don't go well together, do they...

2002-09-30T12:46:00.000-07:00

Absinthe is back.
And this time I remembered to link Calendar, yayy.

2002-09-26T18:41:00.000-07:00

There's this cute animated short on Cartoon Network that points out different parts of the brain and tells you which ones help you write, which ones help you draw, which ones help you think up crazy stuff. Then it singles out the tiny part of the brain that tells you you can't do all those things. "Forget that part," says the narrator. I was so inspired by that short that I immediately went back to work on all those little things I shelved because I thought they weren't and never will be good enough. *looks around* Well, let's just say enthusiasm can only get you so far.

But anyway, I got to draw. And I've finally started building up the archive. Unfortunately I haven't been able to force myself to write anything. Next week I start on a fairly regular job so I'll be having less time to myself... I'm hoping to finish at least one or two vignettes by this weekend. I really really hate fic ruts.

And I have to watch Furuba all over again before I write 'Closer'. I finally got to see the whole series. I was rather disappointed with the ending. (And because I was so stupid and took things too literally, I actually cried when Yuki screamed at Tohru to tell Kyou how she really felt. It wasn't as if he were gallantly stepping aside to let Kyou have Tohru --- it was actually more like having Tohru tell Kyou that she accepted him for what he really was --- but stupid old me decided to interpret it differently. Proof that I'm still being stupid about this is my reluctance to watch the anime all over again. Maybe I've pinned too many hopes on Yukiru? But there's the manga, so...)

I should run a grammar check on this entry, but I'm too tired (and worked up?) to do so. Gah. I'll go cuddle Reni the plushie, who always makes me feel better about things. Hopefully there'll be updates next time. And more Furuba rants. (Especially on Hiro-kun, whom I feel like glomping for some strange reason.)

P.S. Edited bits of Hunter x Hunter R.

2002-09-14T13:58:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd take a break from kicking vignettes around and say something on the NC-17 ban.
Like other people said, the people at ff.net have the right to impose certain restrictions on the archive if they feel they have to. Because it's their archive, they have the responsibility of making sure things run smoothly, and that includes addressing certain issues like children reading NC-17 fics. I wasn't moved by the prospect of having all those NC-17 fics deleted because, for one thing, I didn't read or think much of them. And I am aware that this smut fic archive's been around for ages. Ages. Why not transfer everything there instead? I don't really see what the fuss is all about...

I wanted to sound more clever but I'm too hungry to think. *trots off to get a snack* By the way, the new link is Meemee.

2002-09-09T23:57:00.000-07:00

Um. I made a Reni and Iris fic. Here. I don't know why I already uploaded it even though it still needs tweaking... I've been out of it today.

2002-09-06T01:17:00.000-07:00

Blech. I squick at Reni x Oogami. >___<**
Anyway, just so I don't forget, Sakura Taisen fics: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4.

2002-09-03T22:56:00.000-07:00

The vignettes weren't cooperating.

* * *

At the party only Juunishi can attend,
the Juunishi of the new year and the previous year perform a dance.

- Sohma Shigure,
Fruits Basket volume 2, p.134

* * *

Dancing in front of the family, Hatori decided, was probably the lesser of two evils.

The other evil in question was a heavily beaded, bright red silk dress that his cousin Ayame dangled excitedly in front of his nose. “Look at this, Tori-san! Isn’t it divine?”

Hatori stared at the robe.

The sleeves were puffy.

The skirt fell in soft waves down the front.

A huge flower made of sparkling sequins covered the chest.

Swish, went the fabric as Ayame held it even closer to his face. It reeked of mothballs, cologne, and something distinctly Ayame. “Now, aren’t you glad Akito allowed me to help design the costumes for the Dance this year? What do you say, eh?”

“Aaya,” Shigure piped up from the other side of the room, “you’ve made Ha-san so happy he’s speechless.”

“Ah, is that so? Is that so, Tori-san?” Ayame beamed. “I knew you’d like it! To tell the truth, I fashioned it with you in mind…”

“It looks more like a Momiji costume though,” Shigure pointed out.

“---Well yeeees, actually, I thought of Momiji first (five years old, his second Dance, how exciting!), but I did take Tori-san’s love for red into consideration (although I can’t remember if he loves women in red or wearing red himself, is there a difference?), so I came up with this design and the family seamstress thought it was a refreshing change from the old costume---”

For a moment Hatori contemplated wringing the family seamstress’ pale little neck.

“It certainly is. It’s lovely.” Shigure grinned widely. He was obviously enjoying himself. “But I couldn’t help noticing that it doesn’t have a train. Shouldn’t it have a train?”

Ayame made a face. “You’re so silly, Gure-san. You can’t put a train on this...”

Hatori started feeling around in his pocket for a cigarette.

“…That’s what the chintz on the headdress is for.”

That was the last straw.

Without missing a beat, Hatori fished out a cigarette, lit it, then pointed it at the door. “You two. Out. Now.”

[snip]

There are reasons for this. I found a Chinese astrology chart and saw that the Rabbit and Dragon years come after the other.
Then I read the only Furuba tankoubon I have, which happens to be the second volume, which happens to have that aforementioned passage.
And then the vignettes weren't cooperating.
Ach, this is such a bad day for fic...

2002-08-29T15:03:00.000-07:00

Me: *looks at vignettes*
Vignettes: *look back*
Both: *siiiigh*

Two other people are writing Yukiru and I am very very happy. It gives me a reason to stop writing (progress report nashi) and just wait for the good stuff (theirs). But I did promise Mona-san I'd write everything in exchange for the...uhm, you know what (and yes, the song goes, Sa-kun no sukebeee~). So eeeeei.

I plan to have the new layout for this up by September 1st, but I've been having trouble with drawing lately. No, I think I've been having trouble with myself lately. Will sign off now; griping isn't very lovely to read, after all.

2002-08-26T10:38:00.000-07:00

Accomplishment for the day: one minute Yuki.

I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I can't write anything unless I'm really into it. Into it. So this means I have n days left to imagine myself --- me, not Yuki --- trapped in that dark room with Akito breathing down my neck. Only then will I be able to...oh, but then again, I might be taking this too seriously.

P.S. Not you, silly.

2002-08-25T12:21:00.000-07:00

I am trying to write vignette 1 of 12 right now. Tsk. I don't know what's wrong with me...

There's this ficwriter who's been posting a new fic everyday, and though I admire her drive and stamina, I wish she'd stop posting so often. Maybe it's just me and the crabby mood I'm in now, but somehow her fics are... Well, they're not bad --- I've definitely read worse --- but they're so... Um. They remind me so much of the things I come up with --- occasionally shaky, uneven reads, almost always plotless, sometimes too waffy, obviously scribbled down in this mad fit of inspiration and posted because people just have to read this one oh I'm oh so proud of myself thank you very much. ...Tte kanji, ka na.

So when I opened my mailbox today and found another fic from her I just got this urge to scream and throw pointy things.
But as I said, it's probably just this crabby mood I'm in right now.
Gotta get back to these goddamn vignettes.

Me: *looks at Akito*
Akito: *sneers*

Ooooh boy.

2002-08-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

Nothing new to report save for moving tables around in this vain effort to come up with a new look. Me and my pathetic html skillz. I am determined to finish 'Closer' (among other fics), which is very noble of me indeed, but for some reason I can't even get myself started on it. I don't know what's wrong with me. It can't be this cough or the n cups of coffee I downed this week, so it must be another fic rut.

I hate fic ruts.

In the meantime I'll continue to take lessons on subtlety from her and her. They belong to that certain group of people that makes me feel like giving up on fic because I am not worthy not worthy not worthy.

2002-08-14T12:32:00.000-07:00

She is writing Yukiru. You got that right, Yukiru.
Yaaaaaaaaaaaay.
I've been working on 'Closer' myself, but now I'm getting this strange urge to shelf it and start stalking her fic instead.

2002-08-10T08:19:00.000-07:00

Will definitely come out soon:

Closer (10/10) - Yukiru vignettes
Flight (1/1) - Ayame-centric
[Untitled] (1/1) - Hatori fic that nobody should take seriously

Now if I can just find the energy to write...

2002-08-06T05:05:00.000-07:00

No ficcing or piccing until I get my life straightened out.
(But thank you thank you thank you Ferrum-san, Dani-san, Mona-san, and Varon dahling. You're all too kind.)

2002-07-28T04:26:00.000-07:00

This is official: my right hand and I are at war. While we try to wring the life out of each other, my left hand cheerfully fishes for chocolate mints. Oh what I wouldn't give to be ambidextrous.

New pics: 1 | 2

Thoughts on Furuba/Utena maybe tomorrow.

2002-07-25T22:47:00.000-07:00

Mona-san, the Haru-as-Tsuwabuki image is kind of disturbing. O_O Especially if "Tsuwabuki" goes into Black mode and starts...doing stuff. O_O But I think the connections made so far are very appropriate; it seems like a very nice idea for a pic project. Sort of like Furuba doing cosplay. Maybe someone (*cough*Sophie-chan*cough*) can work on this? XD

In the meantime both the Ayame and the Hatori fic are being run over (?) by this sudden urge of mine to fic Yukiru. I came up with this in five minutes. *posts* Only beginnings of fic (maybe I should call it an outline?) and sappy fic at that.

***

Her mother's voice. It's okay to be selfish, Tohru. There will always be that someone you can be selfish about and it wouldn't matter at all.

Tohru wakes up feeling strange. The space beside her is empty; there is only the faint impression of someone who lay there. She runs a hand against the sheets.

Supermarket?
Bed talk?
Breakfast?

He is carefully fishing out eggshells from the pancake batter with a spoon, mumbling curses under his breath as he does so. He is ashamed of his clumsiness --- the broken glasses, et cetera. The only things he does not break are the plants he takes care of, and Tohru.

Supermarket?
Bed talk?
Breakfast?

He finally notices Tohru and smiles. Ohayou, Honda-san. Small talk. He reaches over to fish out something from Tohru's hair and she closes her eyes as his knuckles brush against her temple.

Want.
Need.
Selfishness.

She suddenly reaches up to pull him close for a kiss. She feels him draw a sharp intake of breath at this. It is always he who kisses her, he who touches her.
She pulls back ever so slightly to whisper against his mouth. Come with me.

Want.
Need.
Selfishness.

This time it is she who pulls him down with her. He props himself up on an elbow, careful not to get too close so he wouldn't transform, and opens his mouth to say something. She moves up to silence him, and his words are lost in her kiss. His elbow hits the mattress as she gently turns them around so he is now looking up at her, violet eyes wide with surprise, confusion. (Desire?)

Eggshells in the pancake batter.

Never mind, she whispers, silencing him.

Breakfast?
Chores?

Their breaths are ragged, hurried. His hand releases its vise grip on the sheets to reach up and brush away the hair from her face. The fingers tremble, but the touch is tender.

It's okay to be selfish, Tohru. There will always be that someone you can be selfish about and it wouldn't matter at all.

But even so.
Even so.
Gomen...nasai, she breathes, the last word tapering off into a moan as he arches into her.

Breakfast?
Eggshells in the pancake batter.

His lips move idly against her forehead. He is saying something over and over, dreamily, almost unconsciously.
She lifts her head a little to look at him.
His eyes are soft.
Tohru, he whispers.

***

I swear I will come up with something like this, more or less.
Then again maybe I'm better off writing Ayame instead.

2002-07-23T00:33:00.000-07:00

Because my hand isn't being very cooperative, a random silly thought: if one were to put Furuba characters in the Utena universe, Yuki will fit exactly into Miki's clothes. And they'll sound exactly the same. And they'll prolly fight for the exact same reason. I can imagine Tohru in the Rose Bride costume too. XD

2002-07-20T16:27:00.000-07:00

*tweak tweak* Good, the scrollbar at the bottom disappeared. I hate it when that happens.

So anyway, some people have talked about dying/burning love for CCS. I've examined my feelings for the series (hah) and have come to the conclusion that CCS manga/anime/music is okay. I can still sparkle over Syaoran (which means a lot, because I wouldn't be into CCS in the first place if it weren't for him). The Sakura Cards Arc can be digested in itty bitty pieces. But the fandom is something I'd really like to take a break from. So I don't know what that means; maybe no work on CCS fic for a while? Even though the ideas in my head still seem lovely and fun to write. And pics are an entirely different matter.

As for developing vs. imitating in terms of writing style, I agree that one should refrain from meticulously ripping off other writers, but I think it's hard to define 'original' these days. And coming up with 'your own style' is something that's easier said than done; I think 'coming up with a decent mishmash of this and that + something that could pass off as you' would be more like it. (Like what?) I don't think I'm being very coherent this morning. Anyway, I remember telling Oneesama that I wanted to write uber-angst and she replied that she wanted to write uber-waff which was, in a way, like trading places for a while. So she came up with "Psyche". All I came up with was a bad Suki Dakara Suki snippet. Blech.

And I've been having fun looking for poems to start certain fics. Williams unintentionally gave me a lot of silly ideas. XD

Ayame: Listen, Yuki! *clears throat, reads* "Well, tomorrow it may be snowing--- / I'll keep after you, your repulse of me is no more / than a rebuff to the weather---"
Yuki: *flips pages, reads* "If you can bring nothing to this place / but your carcass, keep out."
Ayame: ;____;

Aa, Ayame, never fear, the fic will come.

2002-07-20T06:04:00.000-07:00

No really, I've been thinking about

[1] Kanaete (CCS; 8 chapters)
[2] Monogatari (CCS; 5 acts)
[3] Fujitaka (CCS; 3 chapters)
[4] Pieces (Gatekeepers; 5 chapters)
[4] Flight (Furuba; Ayame-centric oneshot)
[5] -Untitled- (Furuba; Hatori-centric oneshot)

and I've even planned

[1] Momiji-centric fic (Furuba)
[2] Quasi-Unconventional Yukiru fic (Furuba)

and I'm scheduled to finish

[1] Hunter x Hunter R
[2] The Leni and Iris Pic from Hell
[3] Lots of fan art and gift art

but all I'm doing is

[1] Dream about Yuki accidentally dropping eggshells into the pancake batter just because he's adorably clumsy like that
[2] Dream about Yuki
[3] Dream about Yuki

and it's getting out of hand, really.

2002-07-08T21:09:00.000-07:00

New pics: For Jae-san | For Wen | For Michael.
More coming soon.

2002-07-06T12:27:00.000-07:00

I promised myself I wouldn't put any test results here, but I can't help it. It's too funny.

You're Shirou Kamui!
Congratulations-- the Power of God is in your hands. Well, maybe not, but you do occasionally feel as if the weight of the world is on your shoulders, and sometimes you just want to run away to escape it all. You mean well, but you are sometimes short-tempered and don’t necessarily think things through before you do them. Friendship is very important to you, as is loyalty. You have a lot of growing to do, but deep down you really are a good person.
Which Dragon of Heaven are you?
Quiz by Kerianne

Very uke, huh? We'll see about that. *cackles maniacally*
But seriously, I really want to do that waffy SxK fic with Fuuma playing the guitar and singing in Spanish outside the window.
. . . . . .
Having no good ideas for plot is painful.

2002-07-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

For some reason the SK ML's been really busy lately. I don't know much about X/TB to post (and if I feel I do, I prefer to lurk instead). There was one post that caught my attention --- the one about non-yaoi/shounen ai fans and how not liking yaoi/shounen ai doesn't necessarily make one a bigot. I was reading that and going, yes, I agree, that is so true.

When I discovered Gundam Wing in 1996, I tried to get into the fandom but immediately got flamed off lists just because I wasn't a 1x2/3x4/etc. fan (it was too early for me to know that the GW boys were actually being paired up with each other, and I didn't really see the logic in pairing them up in the first place). Some people even blamed me for being incredibly biased against gays, which really wasn't the case. Someone mailed me off-list to warn me that for some people, yaoi is more than just a fangirl thing, it's a "way of life". So be careful about the things you say, said Kind Anonymous ML Person, because some people will readily take offense even if you didn't mean to hurt them in the first place. In the end I decided to stay away from GW fandom in general and enjoy the series all by myself.

I don't know if it was because of being flamed and all, but after that I went through a phase where I shunned almost everything that had touches of shounen ai in it, mostly CLAMP (much to my friend Junkie's consternation, who was hoping to get me into X as well). It wasn't until years later, when I got into CCS and found the Yukito/Touya pairing adorable, that I realized I could like non-het pairings, that non-het pairings aren't terrible, scary (or ugly, disgusting) things, and more importantly, liking non-het pairings doesn't give you reason to diss people who don't like them as much as you do. Now I like het, non-het, canon, and non-canon couples, and everything's peachy. (This doesn't have anything to do with fic, unfortunately. I just felt the need to speak out, because the experience was painful.)

. . . . . .
Back to fic, then.

Possible Fic #1: On Ayame and his quest for brotherly love (or, after Yuki we goooo!). I had a few scenes in my head before I went to sleep last night, and I ended up having weird dreams (mostly Shigure, Ayame, and Hatori playing poker, and Young! Ayame trying to get through Akito's spirit wards). o_O But I want to write this, because it looks like fun.

Possible Fic #2: Momiji-centric. Momiji is fun to explore; he's all child and yet adult at the same time, and it's fun to see what he thinks of certain things. I relish the idea of him looking up to Yuki as an older brother (and the latter being protective of him as well) because it's really cute, and kind of sad at the same time (they both had people they cared about whose memories had to be erased). But then again he might feel the same way about Hatori because the latter seems to be the (self-designated?) guardian.

Possible Fic #3: Hana-chan fic. One act of the manga already explains how she and Tohru first met, so I guess I have to read that before I start anything.

2002-07-01T17:26:00.000-07:00

Sooo.

On Pic: The Leni/Iris pic is still not finished --- when I came home last Saturday it had dustballs all over it because they cleaned the basement without putting anything over my drawing table. I went O_O** then dove for a brush to sweep off the offending dirt. Fortunately dustballs do not leave dark marks on gouache because if they did, somebody will get hurt. *cracks knuckles menacingly*

On Transcribing: Spent half the day yesterday working on L'arc TV appearance for L-chan. Even if Hyde had this We-Rock-Stars-Talk-In-Quiet-Low-Voices-Because-You-Know-We're-So-Goddamn-Cool aura, he did talk clearly enough for me to understand. Which is good, because L-chan wants every single line of his on paper. o_O Ken is a much more interesting interviewee, in my opinion. He's crazy. And I think they're all from Kansai, because there were "nani sunen!"s and "wake nai yarou"s and "to chau"s all over the place. Ahahaha. (Note to self: must finish rest of Hunter x Hunter R.)

On Fic: Hmm, nothing. Ff.net finally let me upload fic, but that really isn't much of an update, is it? I do have scenes in my head, though (mostly Yuki trying to ask Tohru out and Momiji playing hopscotch on daddy's nice shiny floor and Spinel trying to figure out what goes into Caesar's Salad and Eriol locking the door so Tomoyo could finally talk). And I have fic rants. Ta-daa.

[1] On Yukiru fics again (surprise, surprise): why is it that some authors seem to forget that Yuki is cursed? One fic has Tohru rush to the school clinic where Yuki is lying on a bed, and the latter pulls her into his arms and starts to feel a lot better. Well. Where's the inevitable poof~! and widdle mousie form? I'm not really sure how much contact triggers the transformation --- that notion seems to vary from person to person, but I'm sure having someone actually lie on your chest is more than enough to change you into whatever form you're destined to change into. Situations that lead to Tohru lying on Yuki whether by accident (i.e. she slips) or not (i.e. Yuki does something) include Tohru checking on Sick!Yuki, Tohru checking on Drunk!Yuki, Tohru checking on I Just Had a Bad Dream!Yuki, and Tohru checking on Sleeping!Yuki. All these come with requisite high levels of waff, transformation optional. Makes you wonder if the Ficwriter's Notion of True Love is the Instant Cure for Age Old Juunishi Curses.

[2] Momiji, who happens to be my second favorite character and is the epitome of the phrase Cute as Hell, deserves more than Wolfing-Down-Cake cameos and silly ecchi fics that have him wanting to show Tohru his Flagpole. I mean, come oooon. But I've been thinking about the possibility of him having more than sisterly love for Tohru and it's kind of sweet. And sad. As all Juunishi romances (fan-induced or not) go.

And Now, To Certain People:

Chelle-san, you sneak. I still haven't forgiven you for recommending that fic. I swear, I'll find something just as abominable and fling it at your doorstep. (Actually, I can think of one right now. It's yaoi though, and ff.net happens to be down at the moment, but when it does get online again I strongly advise you check this out. *angelic smile*)

And thank you and you for reading. ^_^ Waaaai, Momiji~! XD And yes, I must agree, Ayame is a god. XD

Yuki: The god of insanity.
Ayame: Though it pains me to hear that coming from you, my Precious Otouto, I will let it pass.
Shigure: Aaya, how noble. *sparkles*
Ayame: Gure-san. *sparkles*
Yuki: . . .Get me out of here. >_<

2002-06-28T04:48:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to rant on fan art --- something I think I could manage to be a bit more pompous about, as opposed to fic, I mean --- but it's hard to write anything with me sneezing all over the keyboard like this. Damn allergies.

Thank you thank you thank you, Tin, Sophie-chan. *bows deeply* I think it needs revising though, because some parts read funny. And I'll think about that Kyou POV. I'm not too keen on writing Kyou because I'm also an extremely biased fangirl (I've got Yuki Yuki Yuki on my mind and it's getting scary). Damn all you fluffy waffy Japanese Yukiru fics! Now I have images bothering me --- Yuki sick in bed with his pajama top half undone, Yuki standing in the rain and peeling his wet shirt off, Yuki in a---

Yuki: Now that's enough. O_O**
Shigure: *sings* Saaa-kun no sukebeee~! XD
Me: XD

But anyway, I'll think about writing Kyou...Kyou/Kagura, really, because it appeals to me for some strange reason. And I'm considering doing Momiji or Hana-chan next. Takaya-sensei will run after me with a hatchet for messing with her characters.
(And cherie, Gure-san's real fun to have around. You won't mind if I borrow him from time to time? Hmph goes Hiiragizawa, sulking in a corner.)

And yes, I was serious. (By the way, sorry if I linked to your blog just like that. And you listen to Tange Sakura! XD Stand by Me, for some reason, reminds me of Sakura/Syaoran. Have you heard Private Link? It used to be my most favorite Tange song.)

Chelle-san (get a blog, dammit!) says she's almost through with Old and New and I'm looking forward to reading them. I've lost enthusiasm for CCS fic in general, but I'll gladly read Eriol-tachi getting drunk. XD ...Er. Something tells me I said something I shouldn't have, so I guess this means I should make a run for it. *dash*

2002-06-27T03:03:00.000-07:00

After visiting n ficblogs and reading n fics, I conclude that as of Thursday, 2002.6.27 6:01 p.m., my writing sucks.

2002-06-26T23:51:00.000-07:00

For some reason ff.net won't let me log in, so I decided to put it up here for a while. And yes, it is a fic. I could use all the help I can get, though, so comment away. *bows*

And pssst! If you're a Yuki/Tohru fan, check this out. Very very warm and fluffy. He beat me to the idea, but I'm glad he did. *happy sigh*

2002-06-23T15:23:00.000-07:00

First, things that shouldn't be on a quasi-fic blog.

That's right, I'll tell Kanaete to go straight to hell. XD And Furuba drama?!? I want!!! *twirls madly in bliss* I think it'll be easier if you upload them somewhere instead of send them to me because, after all, if you choose the latter you'll have to go out and buy CDs and stuff and that's inconvenient... But if you're burning stuff I'm willing to trade. Want Kurapica drama CD? I'll mail you my CD list so you can check it out. (And I'm not getting the plushie, it's too expensive. P1000! I can't shell out that much for a small plushie, not even if it is Kurapica dahling.)

Chelle-san, how's ficcage so far?

Now, back to stuff I should've written earlier. (Or maybe not, because I forgot what I was supposed to write.)

[1] The Leni and Iris Pic From Hell is 80% done. Herm dropped by the other day to scan his pic in, and while he fussed over it in Photoshop, I sat at the drawing table and colored Leni's clothes in. It's so much easier to work when there's someone else working in the same room. Anyway, I think this'll be finished by tonight. I just have to crop the borders. Go me.

[2] After reading n Yuki/Tohru fics, a prissy opinion --- you can have a Yuki/Tohru fic (say, a oneshot on a waffy moment shared by two) without Kyou but you can't have a Yuki/Tohru fic (a long multi-chaptered conclusive take on their relationship) entirely without Kyou. It's convenient, but it's too convenient. I think this is kind of similar to the one complaint ExK fans make about ExT fic --- it has absolutely no Kaho in it, making it too convenient for things to go the way ExT fans want it to --- save for the fact that in Furuba, canon really has Kyou with feelings and ties with Tohru, making it harder for him to be hocus-pocused away. The manga is currently resolving (or so I'd like to think) the Tohru-Chooses-Whom issue, so I'd rather leave the dirty business of falling in love with one and rejecting the other to Takaya Natsuki. I think this is the one reason why I can't make myself write Yuki/Tohru, not even if I really really want to. I want to know what decision Tohru makes. I want to know the reasons for her making that decision. (And I don't believe Tohru's entirely out of it when it comes to boys; she did say the boy with the cap was "probably her first love", and since the boy with the cap is... Is it just me or was it destined to be Yuki right from the start, beginning with the first page of the manga that has him contemplating that trash can? o_O)

[3] There's Kagura's other side, the one that goes berserk everytime she sees Kyou. Now, how to humanize and see the sadness in that. (Trust me to want to turn a gag into a heartwrenching scenario just because it's all about loving too much and getting nothing in return. I've always been a sucker for things like this.) Can't write Kagura without researching on Kyou's true form, though. Must look it up.

2002-06-21T14:54:00.000-07:00

I'll make this quick: Chelle-san, yes, I've been feeling better now, thanks. And since Eva dahlink posted her Discordant snippet I think I ought to force myself to fic more.
Have to cram a lesson plan, will post later.